Noir side of the Moon
by HFPZ
Summary: When a stranger approaches Howard it changes his world, leading him to success. This in turn also changes Vince's life, but not for the better.
1. Tune Bazzle

**If you liked my last story then you'll hate this, for I guaranty this will be a big one. I wrote the whole thing in script form, please don't hurt me if you hate it. *meep***

**Disclaimer****: I do not own The Mighty Boosh, the Gods known as Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding do. Worship!**

**Warning****: Before you tuck into this i just have to warn you that i fail as a fanfiction-ist. Enjoy folks. ^-^**

**Chapter 1**

It was a rainy evening in Dalston, hadn't stopped raining for a few days now. Naboo the Shaman and his familiar Bollo entered the Nabotique. Vince Noir (flamboyant Rock N Roll star wannabe) noticed the little ringing of the door bell, looked up and smiled at his friends.

_**Vince**__: _Hey ya right Naboo? How'd the meeting go then?

_**Naboo**__:_ Alright I suppose. Dennis is going through with the divorce, wouldn't shut up about it.

A shiver went up Vince's back just at the thought of Dennis, who a few months ago tried beheading the Electro Poof at a certain Jazz Maverick's birthday party.

Said Maverick was sat behind the counter trying (and failing) to finish off his crossword. Vince glanced in his direction. "How boring that crossword must be" Vince thought. With it's meaningless text and old paper, once white now turning into a type of yellowy brown. "That things probably as old as Howard." Vince liked colourful magazines with few words and lots of pictures. Saying whats in and whats not, where the coolest peepz are hanging out these days, and what to name your mutt (pet dogs are SO in). Vince soon put the idea of having a dog to a halt, knowing Naboo wouldn't let him keep it in his flat. Bollo waddled towards the stairway with shopping bags under arm.

_**V**__: _Wait Bollo, did you remember that book i wanted?

_**Bollo**__: _Oh yeah! (Bollo pulls out the book, whick looked way too big to fit into that bag.)

_**V**__: _Ah brilliant. Thanks Bollo you're a star.

_**B**__: _No problem Vince. Bollo do anything for you.

Bollo patted Vince's shoulder in a friendly manner. Howard looked up from his crossword, only now paying attention to them.

_**Howard**__: _Hey Bollo my man, remember to get 'Poet's World for the Unique Thinker' magazine for me? This week it's giving an insider of how to write the thoughts of a tadpole.

_**B**__: _Bollo not your delivery boy.

_**H**_: I take it that you don't have it then?

Bollo just grunted in response.

_**N**_: We'll get it for you tomorrow Howard. We need to go back shopping anyway because a certain gorilla forgot the 'ripe toenails' and 'lizard feathers'.

_**B**_: Bollo can't remember everything.

_**N**_: It was only those two things i asked you to get.

Naboo and Bollo went upstairs still bickering, leaving Howard to stare at the large book in Vince's hands.

_**H**_: Big read isn't it? I didn't know you were into books, especially ones that big. You're renowned for your short attention span. I hardly see you reading more then five pages of that.

_**V**_: What?! I've got a longer attention span then you. I went to that festival with Leroy for three nights straight and not once did i get bored. You on the other hand can't stick to one thing, within minutes you're doing something else. Hands moving from a unfinished puzzle, searching through photos, feeling up curtains, hands going into pockets, hands going into 'other' peoples pockets.

_**H**_: Hey that was a misunderstanding. I never went into her pockets, I just dumped into her and she freaked out.

_**V**_: You were caught red handed, her lipstick had melted and it was all over your fingers.

_**H**_: I'm a make-up artist Vince, thats why I had lipstick on my hands.

Vince started laughing hysterically, which annoyed Howard no end.

_**H**_: I don't see whats funny.

_**V**_: You, a make-up artist? As if. You don't know how to keep yourself looking decent.

_**H**_: I take offence to that sir.

_**V**_: Yeah whatever.

Vince shock his head still laughing, Howard thought it wise to move on.

_**H**_: Whats that book about anyway?

_**V**_: Oh this is genius. It's by Lynette Smith, and this book right not only has fashion from the 60's going up to the present day, but also gives you an insight of what will be in fashion ten years from now.

_**H**_: And you need that, why?

_**V**_: I need to know these things Howard. It's part of who i am. Do you know what it'll do to my image if i missed out on the smallest of detail?

_**H**_: Theres more to life then fashion Vince, I've told you this many times. Instead of wasting money on clothes we should be concentrating on our future careers.

_**V**_: I know that!

_**H**_: Well then.

Howard gave Vince a stern look, then went back to his crossword. Vince smirked back at him, turned around and headed upstairs.

Howard sat there for a couple of minutes, eventually putting away his puzzle book, not managing to get one word all day out of it. Though he is Howard T.J Moon, no crossword will get the better of him, he'll go back to it tomorrow. Sighing while running his hands through his hair, he got up ready to lock up the shop for tonight, but before he could turn the key, the door flew open. A figure stood in the doorway, Howard never noticed anyone through the window approach the shop so this gave him even more reason to be freaked out.

_**H**_: Er..we're closing for tonight sir. You'll have to come back tomorrow.

_**(stranger)**_: I won't be here tomorrow. You see i'm in the music biz, music never stops, never sleeps. I just wanted to ask if you know anyone with musical talent?

_**H**_: Musical talent? (eyebrow rises)

_**(s)**_: Yes. We're looking for a 'Jazz' musician.

Howard turns to stare at the viewers (you), mouth slightly ajar. "Is this fate?" He was bought out of his state of mind by a hand waving in front of his eyes.

_**(s)**_: Hellooooo anyone home?

_**H**_: IT'S ME!! (he suddenly bursts out)

The stranger jumps back in surprise, confusion spreads across his face.

_**H**_: (Looking a little embarrassed) Sorry i mean. I'm a Jazz musician.

_**(s)**_: You are? Brilliant! You wouldn't be interested in coming to the auditions i'm holding for my new 'Tune Bazzle' would you? You see i'm collecting enthusiastic new jazz talent from around London, I and a handful of judges will decide who's the best. Then take them on tour around Britain, showing their stuff to the larger audience.

The stranger shakes around a bit, wiggling his fingers in front of his face with his eyes closed, poorly mimicking someone playing a saxophone. Howard for the first time took a real good look at him. The stranger had a Graham Norton-ness about him, difference being he had a bigger eyes and was half Pine Martin from the waist down.

_**H**_: I don't want to be one in a handful, being tugged around on a jazz chain. I go solo, following my own route on the jazz express.

_**(s)**_:Oh you won't be one in a band, sorry if I gave off that impression. Everyone I decide to take will take their turns playing their own thing. Getting them out there to be loved individually. I guaranty fame and fortune by the end of the tour.

A smile spread across Howards face. He was liking the sound of this more and more.

_**H**_: Really, and all that just after a couple of gigs around Britain?

_**(s)**_: That's only if the audience love you mind. If so the UK is only the starting point, you'd have the whole world next listing to your songs. Just imagine it, your name in lights. What is your name by the way?

_**H**_: Howard Moon.

_**(s)**_: Howard Moon? Well thats a jazzy name if ever i heard one. Ah i love it!

_**H**_: Really?

_**(s)**_: Oh yes, i think i'll call my new puppy that. You know having a pet pooch is the in thing these days, i might actually get two.

_**H**_: Hey enough about dogs. What about my name in lights?

_**(s)**_: It takes one step at a time. Are you willing to take the first step, or should I move on?

He holds up a pink leaflet with red patterns around the edge inbetween two of his fingers, waving it in front of his face. Howard moves his head with the movement of the leaflet, like he's under a trance.

_**H**_: I'm in.

_**(s)**_: Wonderful! Hope to see you there, and don't be late. I don't give these away to just anyone you know.

He hands over the leaflet, which also works as a backstage pass. He gracefully turned on his heel then ungracefully strode away from the Nabootique.

_**H**_: Wait! Whats your name sir?

_**(s)**_: Call me Mr GougouFlower, or Leslie if you must.

Then he was gone. Howard looked down at the address on the leaflet. Was this his big break? A chance to show the world what it's been missing all these years? Was he ready to leave the shop for fame? Well yes in the back of his mind he was always ready for that. But what about his friends? He knew how much Vince hates jazz. Could Howard leave him to pursue his dream?

Howard sighed, finally closing the shop door, then headed upstairs for a cup of tea.

**First chapter done, but many more to come. **

**Lynette Smith is a random name i made up, she is not based on anyone so if your name happens to be that then it's totally a coincidence. Leslie GougouFlower is also my character so no using. This won't be the last you hear of Leslie i guarantee you. **


	2. Don't serve freaks

**Well i'm back and with a stinking new chapter for you to feast on like wild socks on blue helium. **

**Disclaimer:**** Anyone with more brain cells then Vince Noir would know full well that The Mighty Boosh does not belong to me, it belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. **

**For i am a poor simple minded soul who could never think up anything that adds up to the pure awesomeness known as the boosh. On the other hand the character Leslie GougouFlower is mine. The awful plot of this fanfiction is mine also, i hope you enjoy. ^_^**

**Chapter 2**

Leslie stood outside a limo waiting to be let in. The door opened allowing him entrance. He was soaked to the bone after lingering around in the rain with leaflets in hand, and was hoping to be allowed the luxury of drying off in a nice warm limo. Not the case. The inside of this limo looked like the inside of a slimy cave that smelled strongly of fish, the street lights from outside shone through the green tinted windows. The shadowed figure who let Leslie in shuffled towards him in it's seat, scaly legs wearing white cowboy boots was the only feature Leslie could see of this person in the dim green light.

_**(shadowed figure): **_So how many of those leaflets did you give out? Mmm I hope you haven't been wasting them, I hand made those myself.

_**Leslie: **_Around 18. I wish you gave me an umbrella, I could swim in the amount of water my poor fur has absorbed. Oh and I could have done with some wellies too. You should have seeeeennn the puddles.

_**(sf): **_The rain water would fill your boots like a foot spar, and not to mention it'd be impossible to find a pair that'll fit.

_**L:**_ Oh lets allllll laugh at GougouFlower who doesn't have feet like everyone else. (starts acting over dramatic) Sorry sir but these designer shoes are not available for people with less than four toes. I apologize for the inconvenience, but these verrryyyy expensive bubble gum pink trousers will not fit the structure of your legs. You won't get shoes to fit you here sir, but theres a place down the road that make them for pets and I'm sure they'll have something in your size. Ah I'm afraid we don't serve freaks.

_**(sf):**_ Did you find him?

Leslie turns to him, rather annoyed that his words have been ignored and the fact he was interrupted while exaggerating comments he got in the past that no one really cared about bar him. Though at this point he'd totally forgotten what they were talking about in the first place. He scowled for a moment. The figure shuffled around getting impatient.

_**L: **_What?

_**(sf): **_Did you find him?

_**L: **_Em, oh HIM! Yes yes I found Moon for you. It was just my luck I managed to get him before he closed that shop.

_**(sf): **_Was he interested? (voice sounding eager)

_**L: **_Very interested indeed, thanks to my charm. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he'll come. Everything is moving smoothly so far, but he might not be willing to join the other Jazzies on a tour. Maybe he fears he won't be as good as the others.

_**(sf):**_ No need to worry about that my furry legged stuck up man drone. People will only come to see him. he'll be great, they won't know what they've been missing. Tickets will have sold out within minutes. I bet your life on it.

_**L: **_I wish you wouldn't.

_**(sf):**_ At the end of the day it'll be his show, not theirs. I know that'll make him happy, he'll be so grateful that I did this all for him. He'll fall in love with me, take me out for dinner. Oh maybe I could take him out first, I know a nice place where they do the most tastiest bagels.

The Shadow figure bounced on the spot, couldn't keep still at the thoughts of what'll be in the future. Not even trying to hide it's excitement, it's rather creepy grin now visible. Leslie tried moving away a bit from this creature, but it shuffled closer to him, it obviously didn't want any space between them.

_**L: **_You're going a bit ahead of yourself aren't you? He hasn't been to the auditions yet.

_**(sf): **_Mmm your right. The last time i rushed into things I scared him off. But I've now learned my lesson and I shall take things more slowly from now on, relationships take time, and ours will last forever.

_**L: **_Are you reallllyyy sure that's what scared him off? He just might not be into you that way. Why are you looking at me like that?

They were so close now, leslie found himself trying to sink into the corner but couldn't get any further away. Noses almost touching, it's breath smelled like the sea with a hint of ... Baileys?

_**(sf):**_ Why wouldn't he love me? Whats wrong with me? You seem to know, don't go keeping secrets from me.

_**L: **_There ... theres nothing wrong with you. He just ... didn't fancy you. At first! Not everyone falls in love at first, bu .. bu but you find the most successful relationships work out that way.

He held his breath not daring to move, sweat running down his already damp face. The figure moved away from him with a thoughtful look on it's face, eyes glancing at something in the distance of his mind. It then smiled at Leslie, who took that as a good sign. Well he hoped it was anyway.

**Oh i wonder who the shadowed figure is? *Gets hit over the head by the obvious stick* **

**This is a short chapter in comparison to the next one, as none of the chapters in this story will be the same size. Some will be small, some will be huge. It's just the way it goes, i'm not doing it to annoy anyone. (Or am I?) ¬.¬ **


	3. Sellotape Sheldon

**Whats that odd looking shape on the horizon? **_Is it a new chapter__**?**_** Well yes it is, and it's closer then you think. **_Really__**?**_** Yes good sir, it's so close in fact, your standing on it. **_Good grief that is close__**! **_

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own The Mighty Boosh, Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding do. Though like many other booshies, i wish i did. **

**Chapter 3.**

Next morning Howard strolled into the living area where Vince was sat eating a bowl of Crunchy Nut cornflakes with something that wasn't milk from what Howard could see, Vince was doing his usual morning channel hopping with remote in hand. Bollo was scrubbing the cauldron clean which was used to make curry in the night before, while Naboo sorted out a pile of spell books in order. Vince looked defeated and chucked the remote over his shoulder, which Howard caught just in time before it got a chance to smash into pieces on the floor.

_**Vince: **_Theres nothing decent on in the mornings anymore, even the kids cartoons are repeated.

_**Howard: **_You don't give things a chance. Here, this is a good program.

A black n white office drama with two blokes and a lady was playing, Howard put up the volume. The lack of colour put Vince off straight away, it didn't put Howard off as he watched it with enjoyment.

"You have gone over the line this time." shouted a guy with too much hair gel.

"I did nothing wrong." spat the guy with a thick neck.

"Oh it's never your fault is it Danworth."

"You were the one who shot that dog, the sky's my witness."

"Now listen here you tit."

(The woman walks up to them with her arms outstretched.) "Please stop fighting, no ones to blame here." she said.

"Can it Sue."

"Hey leave her be, this stupid wench always speaks nonsense."

"Thats not true. I got first diploma in Bullshit."

"Ah you must be an MP" said Danworth.

"Right this is the last straw! I'm taking my slice of that pie, then leaveing for good."

"But Ross, that pie is not yours to take."

"Nnnoooooooooooooooo!"

Vince turns to stare at Howard with confusion and disbelief. He notices the bizarre look Vince was giving him so he flicked the telly off.

_**V: **_What the hell was that garbage?

_**H: **_That was classical viewing Vince. Something that has a deeper meaning that we're blind to see at first . It feeds the soul.

_**V: **_We need Sky +.

_**Naboo: **_Talking about garbage, Howard it's your turn this morning. Get moving.

Howard made his way to the bin and lifted up the binbag but noticed it was heavier than normal. He popped his hand inside it and pulled out Vince's book. Assuming it fell in there by accident he placed it on the side table.

_**H: **_Nearly lost this book for good, you should be careful where you put things.

Vince turned to face him and spotted the book, he pulled a face of sheer disgust.

_**V: **_I thought i chucked that away!

_**H: **_You chucked it away? Why'd you do that little man? You only got it yesterday.

_**V: **_It's just not my thing. (He said in a low voice, hiding away behind the sofa.)

_**H: **_Whats so wrong about this anyway? If I remember right you were dead excited about this book.

_**V: **_Hhmm.

Vince pretended to watch the TV, which was switched off. Howard was generally confused now.

_**H: **_I don't understand you sometimes Vince.

_**Bollo: **_Have look at page 214.

_**H: **_What me?

Bollo picked up the book again and flipped through the pages, stopping sometimes to read little parts. Naboo smiled from where he sat in the corner. Howard finally got to page 214 and stared at it, after some time he finally looked up, smiling his head off. Vince sank even lower into the sofa.

_**H: **_Well would you look at that! Howard Moon's ahead of his time when it comes to fashion. Ahh 'thats' why you chucked it! My cool sensible clothes are the trend of tomorrow and you can't seem to take that.

_**N: **_You must be devastated that someone like Howard is more up to date then you.

_**V: **_Just shut up.

Naboo smiled and got up, signaling that Bollo better do the same, and they both made their way to the stairs.

_**N:**_ We're heading to the shops then we're off to Norfolk for a few hours, Shaman business. I'll pick up that magazine for you Howard, but your paying for it.

_**H: **_I never expected you to pay anyway.

_**B: **_Liar.

_**N: **_Vince is there anything you wanted me to pick up on the way? Beige trousers, flower patterned shirt? Since thats whats gonna be in.

(no reply)

_**N: **_Take that as a no then. See you later.

The small shaman waved then left with his familiar. Howard grabbed the binbags and headed the same way.

_**V: **_Lynette Smith must have got it wrong, she's always been a bit do-lally-tap in the head from what i've read anyway.

_**H: **_Sure, you keep thinking that.

A few hours later Howard is in the shop sat at the desk. Crossword in a binbag along with the other rubbish placed in the designated refuse area. Pink leaflet in his fingers, the auditions are in a couple of days. He hears footsteps and hides the leaflet from view. Vince walks into the room much happer then he was earlier.

_**V: **_No customers then?

_**H: **_Can you see any?

_**V: **_Good point, it's only the morning anyway.

_**H: **_It's 1:17pm Vince. You took forever doing your hair, time just seem to fly by for you. Why are you so interested anyway?

_**V: **_Don't know what you mean Howard.

_**H: **_Well you don't normally ask if we've had customers.

_**V: **_Well I am expecting someone.

_**H: **_Thought so.

_**V: **_Anyway I bet your still scaring them off with your elbow patches.

_**H: **_I never scared them off Vince, it's just that elbow patches are not what people are looking for at this moment. But check these beauties out.

He pulls out from under the desk a display case holding what appears to be..

_**V: **_Insoles? You're planning to sell insoles?

_**H: **_Yes sir, these will be flying off the shelf in no time.

_**V: **_You've really lost the plot now. You're beyond saving.

Howard places them next to the desk in clear view of anyone who considers entering the shop. Vince decided he'll move it out of view once Howard wasn't around.

_**H: **_Who are you expecting then? Anyone I would know?

_**V: **_Yeah you would know him. Remember that bloke with the huge glasses that used to draw comic strips for the local newspaper and collected sweet rappers? Gordan.

_**H: **_Gordan Myres! Wasn't he the one who created that superhero that got stuck to everything? Sellotape Sheldon wasn't it?

_**V: **_Yeah thats him. He wanted to turn Sheldon into a cartoon series but had to keep it in a comic.

_**H: **_Because no one agreed to animate it.

_**V: **_Because it would make a shit TV show.

They both laughed, then out of random started crimping.

"_Sellotape Sheldon, is there any hope? Running through the farm night treat, you might meet Marsh Mallo Mark. Hear him sweep beep ku upside down. Waiting for the illuminous flying fish cake, hiding in the shadow ball. Sellotape Sheldon sticking to your wine, sticking to your mime, sticking to your mind." _

Smiling they sighed. Howard straightened his hat on his head and Vince lent against the wall.

_**V: **_Have you actually ever read any of his comics?

_**H:**_ Nope never.

_**V: **_Me neither.

(small silence)

_**H: **_And why are you meeting him then? He's a bit nerdy to be hanging out with you isn't he? You tend to hang around shady characters that hide behind glitter, make up and more glittery make up. Other than me obviously.

_**V: **_I found him on FaceBook and he remembered me from all those years back. His uncle works as a sectary at the hottest club in London, the 'Frozen Flares'. He promised to take me outback and see if he can get me in, how cool would that be. You never know, if I use my Noir charm we could eventually be doing gigs there.

_**H: **_Sounds great. But what about the Violet Onion?

_**V: **_Oh come on Howard you don't think we'll be playing there forever do you? It's not like we've sold our soul to that place.

_**H: **_What about that form Fossil made us sign?

_**V: **_Think nothing of it.

The little bell above the door rang and both men turned their heads in that direction to see who it was. A short man with scruffy brown hair and as much fasion sense as Howard walked in. He was wearing a yellow and blue tartan buttoned top, baggy jeans that were way to long for his legs, and massive glasses that magnified his grey eyes.

_**Gordan: **_Hello there.

_**V: **_Hey! Gordan it's been ages. Have you grown?

_**G: **_Not much. My Doctor said I won't get any taller. Heh I remember being taller then you.

_**V: **_Yeah i know. Hey Gordan you remember Howard right?

_**H: **_Hey.

_**G: **_...........

_**H: **_It's me. Howard Moon?...Back in High School we were both in the Chess Club. The only ones in the Chess Club. You borrowed 6 Euros off me and never payed me back.

_**G: **_It's not ringing any bells.

_**V: **_He used to hide in bins to spy on the girls.

_**G: **_Oohh Howard! I remember you now, yeah the stalker.

_**H: **_Umm I never stalked anyone.

_**G: **_You were caught in the girls toilets. LOL. (yes Gordan said 'lol' out loud)

_**H: **_Someone removed the sign on the door, I'd thought I'd try my luck. If I knew it was the girls I wouldn't have gone in.

_**V: **_That's not what i heard. Gossip had it that you followed a brunette in there.

_**H: **_Gossip is not always truthful.

_**G: **_I don't hear you denying it.

Both Vince and Gordan laughed, well with Gordan it sounded like a pig.

_**V: **_So we're ready to go then?

_**G: **_Yes we are.

Both headed towards the door, then Vince clasped his hand on Gordans shoulder to holt him.

_**V: **_Which way are we entering this place?

_**G: **_The front door, durr.

_**V: **_Yeah about that, do you mind if we used a back door? I don't want to draw in a crowd, you know I've got one of those faces. I want to spend this time to catch up on the old times with you.

_**G: **_I understand clearly, I'm the ladys man myself. Alright we'll use the back.

_**V: **_Genius.

Then they left. Howard shook his head. How did Gordan fall for that? Anyone who was listening would clearly know that the only reason Vince wanted to go through the back was because he didn't want to be seen with a nerd like Gordan. As the day passed, only two other people came into the shop and had a browse around. Two girls, one blonde wearing a pink hooded dress and an older teen with shorter brown hair, black gilet, dark trousers and purple glasses. They were both too young for Howard, but never the less he welcomed them with his usual charm, which scared the blonde. The older one though took a shine to him, mentioning that he had a similar resemblance to a guy called Julian. "I don't know any Julian." he thought. The blonde looked bored out of her mind, the other girl seemed to like searching through the objects. Even if they didn't buy anything she said she'll come back with her mum, since apparently she liked second hand shops. Howard (as any shopkeeper) was a bit disappointed they didn't make a purchase, but at least he'll get an extra customer. Thats if they ever come back.

**As you might have noticed, a lot of pointless things and conversations get put into this story. Well it might seem pointless now, but when it comes to my stories, everything adds up. **

**Gordan Myres, the characters on the made up tv drama, Lynette Smith, that poor excuse of a crimp and any other character or thing you don't recall ever being in the Boosh world belongs to me. Sellotape Sheldon is a character i made up in Textile class at High School 5 years ago. ^_^' The two girls at the end are me and my sister, i'm the older one mentioned. I might sneak myself in now and again, you'll just have to watch out for me. haha **


	4. Skip of no return

_**Mirror mirror on the wall, whos the fairest of them all?**__Noel Fielding obviously. __**Oh yes, i forgot about him. **_

**Disclaimer: ****Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own the Mighty Boosh. I on the other hand, do not.**

**Chapter 4**

Howard sat on a single cushioned chair sipping his tea. He was watching a DVD that was lying around, some sort of rubbish film based on some sort of novel he never read, but now considered reading it to see if its anything like it's movie counterpart. It was 11.30pm, Naboo and Bollo hadn't returned yet, neither had Vince. It didn't bother him too much even when Naboo said he'd take a 'few hours', Howard knew that probably meant 'a couple of days'.

He then heard the door open and close, then footsteps. Howard saw Vince's head pop up from the stairway, dizzy grin on his face.

_**Vince:**_ Hey.

_**Howard: **_Hey, enjoyed yourself?

_**V: **_Yeah it was well brilliant. All the walls are mirrors right, and the ceiling tiles light up as you move towards them. Its like Micheal Jackson's Billy Jean music video 90 degrees the wrong way trapped in a mirror labyrinth while Indie music is bouncing off the walls from Gary knows where making the ground vibrate like it's all being powered by a Japanese Hoover.

_**H: **_Sounds like hell.

_**V: **_I can't find the right words to describe this place.

_**H: **_Did you manage to get us in then?

_**V: **_Ahh. (Vince looked away, seeming rather embarrassed)

_**H: **_Whats 'Ahh'? (all of his slowly building excitment, gone in a instant)

_**V: **_Well you see, the owner of that place was so impressed by my supreme musicl talent that he's got me in.

_**H: **_That's good isn't it? So when are we going?

_**V: **_Yeah about that.

_**H: **_What?

_**V: **_Your not in, they wanted me.

_**H: **_But wait. Vince I thought we were a team?

_**V:**_ We are! It's just this isn't really your thing Howard.

_**H: **_Did you even mention me?

_**V:**_ This place took my breath away Howard. It stole my ability to speak, and just as I was getting used to this place I came across the boss, and as soon as he saw me he booked me in saying I'm just what he needed to bring in a crowd.

_**H: **_You didn't even talk to him? Let alone show him your singing yet he still got you in? What about Gordan, where was he in all this? He'd been there before, why didn't he mention me?

_**V: **_To be honest Gordan totally forgot you even existed once we left the shop.

_**H: **_I don't believe this! I mean who's going to play the music? You can't play instruments, apart from the triangle, but you even suck at that.

_**V: **_He's already got a band to play for me, I'm gonna be the front man. You are pulling me down Howard.

_**H: **_You what!

_**V: **_We....'I' could have got something by now. Walking down the red carpet with other celebrities. Girls screaming out my name as I pass, well they do that anyway, but it'll be different cause I'd be in a blue cadillac, and I'll be so off my tits I'll be chucked in rehab right next to Ronnie Wood. But I've been with you, thats way I'm still here. You're not ready for new things, you stay in your safe bubble.

_**H:**_ I'm always ready for new things. (he protested)

_**V: **_You've never once changed after all these years I've known you.

_**H: **_I see, you didn't tell him about me not because you lost the ability to talk, but because you don't want me around. I'm cramping your style.

_**V: **_Howard I...

_**H: **_So what supposed to happen to me huh? While you're out getting hammered with your new friends. Am I suppose to look after this shop by myself?

_**V: **_Well you have done it before.

_**H: **_Thats not the point! I don't want to be stuck here for the rest of my life.

_**V: **_Neither do I!

_**H: **_You're just throwing me aside, like clothing thats not in fashion anymore, into the skip of no return.

_**V: **_No. I'm putting you on the shelf with the not so wanted but still loved teddy bears, that'll need dusting now and again.

_**H: **_Yeah, the shelf of teddy bears you're too embarrassed to admit you still have and thoroughly considered throwing away.

They glared at each other. Vince stormed off to his bedroom with his bottom lip sticking out like a toddler that been told wasn't allowed sweets. Howard couldn't see why Vince was the stroppy one, he got what he wanted. Howard should have been the one acting like a grumpy spoiled brat, but being a fully grown mature adult, he would never act in such a way. Vince looked back at Howard.

_**V: **_You're not ready to take the next step, never have been.

With that Vince disappeared through his bedroom door. Howard stared at that spot, not moving, not making any noise, nothing. Indeed there will be change, and Howard would be ready for it. For better for for worse, he still wasn't sure.

**As you can tell, this chapter was mostly talking. But you'll get that with my stories. Ooh dear Vincy's been a naughty selfish boy, and Howard's had enough of it. What will happen next? Well i know because I've wrote this whole story before hand. XD**

**ps: I love my teddies. ;_;**


	5. Doors of ignorance

**It's that time again folks. **Oh no, not another enema. **No my friend, It's time for the NEW CHAPTER! **Oh god, I don't know which is worse.

**Disclaimer: The world of the Mighty Boosh resides in the mind realms of Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, i just pluck out the characters and play with them now and again. **Oh yeah and if you think this should go up to an '**M**' then just let me know. ^^

**Chapter 5**

Two Days later.

Still raining, amazingly the Nabootique hasn't flooded yet, since the rest of Britain was having an equal share of this miserable weather. A being as miserable as the weather sat on the edge of a coffee table looking out the window over the gray buildings of London. As Howard had expected Naboo and Bollo had only arrived that morning, smelling strongly of smoke, and both at that moment were now lying face down on the floor unconscious. Much to Howards annoyance they forgot his magazine again, so Howard had finally gone to get it himself, getting drenched in the process, and was now drying off. The happiest person here was obviously Vince. The bad weather never got him down, he could walk outside right now without an umbrella and guaranteed not a single drop would touch him. Vince came into the room looking his very best (as usual), he put on a long dark green coat with a brown furry rim around the neck, then grabbed the nearest umbrella. He was due to play at the 'Frozen Flares' for the first time today. He gave a small smile at Howard, who glared in return. Vince's smile dropped.

_**Howard:**_Going off to play with your new band then?

_**Vince**_**:** I am actually. Fame is just waiting through those doors.

_**H: **_Doors of ignorance.

_**V: **_No! Doors of fame. This is the big breakthrough that I've been waiting for.

_**H: **_*humph* Good luck with that.

_**V: **_I don't need your luck.

_**H: **_More like you don't need 'me'.

_**Naboo: **_*grown* Sh..up..n.....

Both watched Naboo shuffle around on the floor, trying to get into a more comfortable position then fell asleep again, one foot on a snoring Bollo's face.

_**V: **_See ya then.

Howard watched Vince leave, he peered out the window again shortly to see the raven haired man running down the street hoping to avoid getting his designer boots too wet. Howard would have offered Vince a lift, but he was planning on going the opposite direction. He glanced at the address on the leaflet, got up and grabbed his coat. Shoving the leaflet in his pocket he too made his way to the stairs.

_**H: **_I'll be back later Naboo.

_**N: **_Zzzzzz

Howard went down picking up his Saxophone case and slammed the door behind him. The sound of the door went straight through Bollo's skull making him jump.

_**Bollo: **_Arrr..head ache.

With that he slumped straight back down and was unconscious once more.

Meanwhile in a theatre some miles from the Nabootique, 5 judges sat watching random people performing, trying to get through in the hope to be in the 'Tune Bazzle'. Out of the 10 that had been on the stage so far, none had managed to impress. One of the judges was Leslie GougouFlower, who seemed to be bored out of his mind and a little agitated. Leslie looked over at the person sat next to him, the smell of cheap perfume mixed with the smell of the sea was making him quite sick. Scrunching up his nose in disgust, he tried to move away by going into the next seat. The being that smelled, wore a full length black cloak with hood hiding the face in shadow. It looked like Death was sitting there, only Leslie didn't think Death would smell like that, or even smell at all. The cloaked person looked up at Leslie, lifting it's head into the light so the hood no longer bathed it in shadow, making the features clear to him. A pale rounded face, a face of someone, someone who's body is now lying at the bottom of the sea, a face Leslie knew did not belong to this monster sitting next to him, a face that was now frowning at him.

_**(cloaked person): **_You said he'll come, I can't smell him in the air around us.

_**Leslie: **_He'll be here shortly, I guaranty it.

_**(cp): **_Then why do you keep fidgeting? You're like a hyper child in its sleep.

_**L: **_This chair's uncomfortable.

_**(cp): **_Want me to fetch ya a pillow?

_**L: **_No thanks.

There was a short silence. (apart from the girl playing the Trumpet on stage)

_**(cp): **_If he don't come, I'll skin ya alive. That'll be fun.

_**L: **_I'm sure it will. (he said in a rather sarcastic way)

Though he felt himself sweating, as he know this person would actually do it. He checked his glamourous silver watch then looked around nervously. "For gods sake, if you don't hurry up Moon, I'm dead!"

Howard ran through the corridors, knocking over people as he went. "I can't be late." he kept telling himself. Not only had it been almost impossible to find a parking space, but he also had trouble with the guard, who thought the pass Howard handed to him was stolen, which resulted with Howard challenging the guard to a scat-off. The guard didn't bother and just let him in, after a lot of persuading of course. After about 10 minutes of running around he managed to find the back stage door. He burst through them nearly landing on top of a girl who was there for the same reason.

_**H: **_I'm sorry! I'm I late?

She just hissed at him then made her way onto the stage, and a lanky man made his way off, face as blank as an egg shell. Howard smiled at him, who got another hiss in return. "What is with these people?" he thought.

Howard listened to the girl but heard the most horrible noise. Baffled at what could cause such a racket, Howard took a few steps to get a better look at the stage. The girl he'd nearly crushed to death was singing (or more like wailing) down the large end of a Trombone. Her voice got higher and higher, her face going red and her eyeballs nearly poping out of their sockets. She then screamed running around the stage, and just as her voice was reaching it's breaking point, she stopped. Standing there as if turned into stone, the opposite of what it was like seconds ago. Total silence, no one blinking, too stunned at this so called performance, even Howard found he couldn't move. She faced the judges and bowed, walking off the stage passed Howard and through an exit that lead to the garbage skips at the back of the theatre, closing the door behind her.

_**L: **_Ooooooooohh k? That was...erm...different!

_**(cp): **_Different as in crap! I'm getting very impatient with your choice Leslie.

_**L: **_Well it pays to be patient. Don't worry a star will be born out of one of these goons I've picked.

_**(cp): **_I smell him!!

_**L: **_You what?

_**(cp): **_I smell him, he's here, Howard Moon!

_**L: **_Oh right, your lover boy. Well thats good, I can keep my skin then?

_**(cp): **_For now anyway.

_**L: **_Rrrriiight. Next!

This was it, his chance to shine. Shaking with nerves, Howard walked onto the stage, the lights stinging his eyes. Blinking a few times letting his eyes adjust, he could make out who were sat watching him, the judges. Howard recognised the first person, Mr GougouFlower. But the other four he didn't know. Next to GougouFlower was a cloaked person smiling at him from what he could see, a duck wearing socks, a expressionless man wearing a brown suit, and a tramp that Howard swore he'd seen before, but couldn't remember where. Leslie suddenly changed from being grumpy to ecstatic.

_**L: **_Howard Moon! My friend. Aah it's so good of you to come.

_**H: **_Di..did you have any doubt that i would.

_**L: **_No no not at all.

He glances at the person sat next to him while playing with his collar, laughing. The cloaked person gave a low growl. Lesile faced Howard again.

_**L: **_I couldn't wait, I'd been looking forward to hearing you play.

_**H: **_Really?

_**L: **_Yes of course, now wow me. Knock me off my chair with the power of Jazz.

Howard put the sax to his lips, soon forgetting what he was nervous about. This was his element, eyes screwed shut he played. Mixing old with new, making up tunes as he played, not all in order but that didn't matter to him, all he cared about was making these abstract sounds blend together to make the funkiest song. Howard finished after 5 minutes, though it felt like 30. He opened his eyes and found them all staring at him with their mouths (and beak) wide open. Howard felt sweat trickle down his forehead, wiping it off with the back of his hand. He was suddenly feeling nervous again.

_**H: **_Er..um..ha well..was that..alright?

They all exchanged looks.

_**L: **_Alright? That my dear was better then alright, it was stupendous! Don't you all agree?

All the judges nodded in agreement, apart from the duck. Howard beamed, they like him. They really like him.

_**H: **_Does this mean I'm in?

_**L: **_Weeeelll I don't know. (a smile placed on his features)

_**(cp): **_Stop messing him around Leslie.

_**L: **_Oh okay okay. Of course you're in! You're the best out of the bunch, you won't fail to impress, let me tell you.

_**Duck: **_Quack.

_**L: **_Sorry Peggy but we've already made our decision.

_**D: **_Quack!

_**L: **_No. You're the only one with a problem here I'm afraid.

_**D: **_Quack!!

_**L: **_Don't take it out on me dear, we've all outnumbered you on this one.

The duck ruffled it's feathers in protest. The tramp kept his eyes on the duck, lunch in mind.

_**H: **_Whats wrong with her?

_**L: **_Oh nothing to worry about, ducks have poor music tastes anyway.

_**H: **_So what now?

_**L: **_On to the public now, and we'll see how it'll go from there. I'll give you the date and the address.

_**H: **_Thank you sir.

_**L: **_No, thank you.

Later that night.

The door flew open and Vince stormed inside,. throwing his wet coat onto the floor with more force than needed. The strong wind caused the door to slam shut behind him, making him jump. This didn't help much with his already foul mood. Swearing and mumbling to himself he made his way upstairs. Not keen on talking to anyone at the moment he tried to get to his bedroom before anyone would decide to bother with him, but of course that wasn't the case.

_**B: **_Vince.

_**V: **_I don't want to talk now Bollo.

Vince shoved past Bollo without apologising to the now concerned gorilla.

_**B: **_You feeling alright? Should Bollo make cup of tea for Vince?

_**V: **_You could mind your own business! (he spat back at the gorilla)

_**N: **_Hay no fighting with my familiar!

_**B: **_Bollo no fighting. Precious Vince upset over something, has lines under eyes.

_**V: **_You can f**k off as well.

Vince pushed Naboo out the way, ran to his room and locked the door. Naboo fell backwards and Bollo caught him before he landed on his backside.

_**B: **_Vince normally made of sunshine, now he dark like room without windows.

_**N: **_Theres a broken force in the powers of fate, i can feel it in the air.

_**B: **_Is that bad?

_**N: **_Of course that's bad, and I can't do anything about it because I don't know whats starting this off.

_**B: **_Hmmm. Bollo get the hookah.

**This chapter long enough for you? **

**:D ****Boosh characters belong to the boosh. My characters belong to me, that includes Leslie GougouFlower who i've grown to love, and thats saying something since i normally hate my creations. **

**Oh yeah and by the way, Peggy the sock wearing duck in this story has no relation to the duck with the sock in 'The Mighty Book of Boosh'. For you see i wrote this chapture before that book was released, so technically they dipped into my mind realm and stole my duck. But i'll forgive them because their gorgeous. ;D**


	6. I've had many dreams

**Theres nothing shrubbier then a shrub. **

**Disclaimer: ****The Mighty Boosh belong to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. I belong to myself, not that i'm in this chapter, but I just thought like pointing that out to you. ^-^**

**Chapter 6**

Next morning Vince sat on the floor in the living area leaning on the arm of the sofa. He sat there playing with his nails while listening to the rain, a relaxing sound, as long as you know you don't have to go out in it. Though this peaceful sound was interrupted by the sound of feet walking back and fore, cupboard doors opening and closing, objects being shuffled around and worst of all, scatting. Vince got up and went to find out why his flatmate was so active. He stood in the doorway of Howards bedroom, watching Howard happily scatting away to himself, putting neatly folded clothes into leather brown suitcases laid out on the bed. Howards sixth sence kicked in, feeling he was being watched he turned around and noticed the narked off looking Mod. Howard smiled at him and carried on filling the suitcases.

_**Howard: **_How'd the gig go at the 'Frozen Flares'?

_**Vince: **_How did you think it went?

_**H: **_Dunno.

_**V: **_It was bloody terrible Howard! They hated me. They reckon I'm the worst singer they've ever had there. No one dared look at me afterwards, they were blanking me, ME! Of all people. Gordan was getting chatted up more than I was, it's a bloody disgrace.

_**H: **_Is it?

_**V: **_Yeah it is. I'm never going back there again.

_**H: **_That's a shame.

_**V: **_And where the hell do you think you're going. (He pointed at the suitcases.)

_**H: **_I'm off to fulfil my dream, I'm going to play around the country.

_**V: **_I thought your dream was to invent a growable shoe horn?

_**H: **_I've had many dreams, but this is going to become reality.

_**V: **_As if.

_**H: **_I've already got the contract Vince, I'm off.

_**V: **_You've got to be joking me. No way would anyone let you play for them.

_**H:**_ They loved me Vince, I played for them. They can't get enough of me of Howard TJ Moon.

Howard finished packing, shut both cases, put on his coat, picked his cases up and made his way to the door, which was still blocked by Vince.

_**V: **_So what, you're just going to leave me here?

_**H: **_You were quick enough to do it to me.

_**V: **_While you chase some pointless dream.

_**H: **_Do I take it you're not going to wish me luck?

_**V: **_Of coures I'm not, you'll be back here before you know it. You're Howard Moon, nothing goes your way.

_**H:**_ Luck seems to be on my side this time round, and you can't handle that. Not everything goes your way.

_**V: **_Don't you think I know that. You think I'm too stuck up my own arse to see that.

_**H: **_No. I think you're too stuck up your own arse to accept it. Now will you move.

Vince stepped aside as Howard made his way to the stairs.

_**H: **_Bye Vince, I'll send you a postcard.

_**V: **_You can't get anywhere without me.

_**H: **_Have fun running the shop.

_**V: **_I won't need to, you'll be behind the counter again tomorrow.

_**H: **_No I won't.

_**V: **_Yes you will.

Vince heard Howard shut the door behind him. Vince was left by himself on the top of the stairway, staring at the door. He turned and headed towards the kitchen, switching on the kettle, got out two mugs and popped a tea bag in each. "He'll be back, he needs me."

A mug of cold tea waited on the kitchen counter, waiting to be drunk. The person it was made for had not returned yet. It didn't matter though, someone else will probably warm it up and drink it instead. Vince, now on his third cuppa, sat by himself watching MTV, trying to cheer himself up by forgetting about the gig. Naboo and Bollo had come in at some point, quietly moving out of the same room as Vince, not wanting to be spat at again. Vince heard them sneak pass, trying to avoid him. He did feel a tad bit guilty for being such a tit to them, he'll apologize later. Sighing he got up and put his mug in the sink, eyeing up the tea he made for Howard. He left it there, walked over to the telly and turned it off, hearing the rain once more. He yawned and stretched. "That idiot's probably standing out in the street in this weather, serves him right for spoiling a perfectly good cuppa."

**The power of the cuppa repels you sinner! Lol joke. So heres another nice little chapter for your enjoyment, but don't run off yet my friend, for there is still many more to come.**


	7. You're thinking of him again

**Hello, is it meeee you're looking for? **No not really, I'm here to read the new chapter. **Oh.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own The Mighty Boosh, Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding do. And if i was to claim it was mine I'd be chased down and punished like the Honey Monster, not that he's been punished yet but just you wait for the day when the Boosh fans find out where he lives, then he'll be sorry. **

**Chapter 7**

Four days after he left the shop, Howard waited patiently in the corridor of a small club with red walls and navy carpet, the air thick with cigar smoke. Everyone here seemed miserable, finding no need to speak to anyone else they share company with, or try to make the current atmosphere cheerful. It was like these people were ripped out of a silent 1940's movie and played here, since no one had any ounce of colour on them. All wearing gray clothes,all had dull eyes and the ones with hair obviously never heard of conditioner. "Oh God, my inner thoughts are starting to sound like Vince!" Howard shook his head to clear it. He didn't need Vince on his mind, that would just be distracting. This is where Howard was now. Noir never cared about Howard, so why should Howard care about Noir? He never really understood why they were friends anyway, they were different in everyway, them getting along was against nature. Thinking back, Vince was a bad friend. "Bad Howard, you're thinking of him again." He thought to himself. Someone was moving towards him from the far end of the long corridor, waving his arms like a mad thing. It was Mr GougouFlower, the only person who decided to wear colour. With a long sleeved bright yellow shirt and hot pink waistcoat with sapphire buttons, Leslie GougouFlower stood out like a sore thumb.

_**Leslie: **_Oh good you've come, I was looking everywhere for you.

_**Howard: **_Couldn't miss out on an opportunity like this now could I.

_**L: **_I should hope not. So you're ready to go on stage.

_**H: **_Where are the others?

_**L: **_Pardon?

_**H: **_The others, you know? Who are meant to be a part of this as well.

_**L: **_I'm not following you.

_**H: **_You said I wasn't the only one doing this. So where are the others that auditioned?

_**L: **_Ooh them! Yeah none of them passed. You were the only one there that has what it takes, and anyway I remember you saying that you didn't want to be one in a handful.

_**H: **_So I'm the only one here playing?

_**L: **_That's just what I said. Thats not a problem is it?

_**H: **_No no, I'm..ur..

_**L: **_Are over the moon! I know I know. Oh look at the time, quick you must go on, mustn't keep these happy people waiting.

He pushed Howard into the doors behind them, going past table after table till Howard found himself alone on the stage looking down at the grumpy colourless people sitting in the darkness of the room. He felt very exposed standing there in the smoggy light, the silence was cutting through him. From the corner of his eye he could see Leslie waving his hands around, looking worried at Howards still form. "Play. Plllllaaay." Leslie whispered.

Howard nodded, he held the Sax to his lips and started to play. As he did Leslie looked around at the people, who's eyes seemed to get wider as the music filled the room. Everyone who seemed half asleep were now giving Howard their full attention. "Is that a good thing?" Leslie thought to himself. Howard finised playing after 4 minutes and there was total silence again. Oh god he couldn't take it anymore! He slowly moved towards the door, eyes still on the people watching him. He lowered his eyes and turned away from their gaze. "They thought I was awful." He told himself as he started to walk off the stage. Just then there was a clap. Howard paused, there was another clap, followed by another. He couldn't be hearing right. He turned around to face them, amazed as he saw person after person standing up clapping, smiles spread on those once dead pan faces. Eventually everyone in the room was standing up applauding. Leslie looked just as shocked as Howard at the sudden change, but just as relieved.

"Play us something else!"

"We want more!"

"Don't go!"

"I've never heard anything as wonderful as that before!"

"What's someone like him doing in a place like this? He's way too good."

"I agree."

Howards mouth was slightly ajar, looking rather stupid just standing there as everyone praised him. Leslie stood up getting Howards attention.

_**L: **_What are you doing? These lovely people want more. Are you going to stand there looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights, or play?

_**H: **_They think I'm brilliant!

_**L: **_Well yes thats pretty clear.

Howard smiled and bounced back to the spot he was standing before, feeling very smug with himself. Once more playing his Saxophone, everyone swaying to the beat. Leslie was at them gobsmacked, slapping himself to snap out of it. He sneaked out the room and closed the door behind him in the corridor. He pulled out a mobile phone from his waistcoat, answering a call.

_**L: **_Hello.

_**(strange voice on the other end of the phone): **_How was it, did Howard make an ass of himself?

_**L: **_Surprisingly no. They loved him!

_**(sv): **_Th... they did?

_**L: **_Yeesss. I know I was just as shocked. Not that I don't like his music, it's just these people are very hard to please, normally.

_**(sv): **_You meaning to tell me that you didn't have to bribe them?

_**L: **_No, they generally love him.

_**(sv): **_This has made me very happy, mmm this causes for a celebration. I'm gonna open up a new tub of Baileys IceCream.

_**L: **_Sounds lovely. I might as well go back in there now, he might have noticed I've gone.

_**(sv): **_Come over later so we can celebrate together.

_**L: **_I've got a full timetable.

_**(sv): **_I "am" your timetable, so don't go giving me that shit.

_**L: **_(sigh) Do I have too?

_**(sv): **_If you know whats good for you, yes.

_**L: **_Oh fine, I'll be over shortly.

_**(sv): **_Don't forget to mention me.

_**L: **_What? To Moon? Isn't it a bit too soon to mention you yet?

_**(sv): **_No need to mention any names. If you don't say anything this plan won't work.

_**L: **_Right right right.

Leslie hung up first. "Stupid plans more trouble than its worth." he mutted to himself, putting his phone back into his waistcoat. He heard the door open behind him, with the sound of applause echoing out the room. Howard bowed to them then closed the door behind him, walking towards GougouFlower, clasping his hands together.

_**H: **_Who was that you were talking to?

_**L: **_That was my boss on the phone.

_**H: **_Wait. You have a boss?

_**L: **_Oh yes. Did you honestly think that I alone do the organising?

_**H: **_I never really thought about it.

_**L: **_It doesn't pay to think too much anyway. All you need to know is that if it wasn't for my boss we wouldn't be able to get you into these places. He..er...she is very interested in you.

_**H: **_Really? Well...can I meet her?

_**L: **_Not now. But I suppose you'll meet her one of these days.

_**H: **_Great! Would she be at future concert's?

_**L: **_Maybe. It's getting late, I'll see you tomorrow then.

Another smile spread across Howard face, he made his way to the exit. Leslie smiled in return but it soon faded away as soon as Howard was out of sight.

**This chapter doesn't seem as long when i typed it down than when i wrote it on paper, not that any of you care. ^_^ **


	8. Square papers on walls

**The wondering woodlouse wanders about the wonderful worlds of wondering wonders. Then gets stepped on by a guy in DM boots.**

**Disclaimer:**** Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own The Mighty Boosh. I own nothing bar these pair of socks, which happen to be staring at me strangely enough. o_o**

**Chapter 8**

Six months and an Orio later.

The sunlight seeped though the cluster of gray clouds, it had stopped raining heavily and everyone was making the most of these few dry moments. Shopping bags full of the latest fashion in each hand of a ravened hair Electro Poof pushing past as he made his way down the street. He was happy enough not to acknowledge anyone he bumped into, or crashed into so to speak, as his mind was somewhere else. He wasn't feeling himself lately, ever since his best mate walked out on him. Sure the first week was alright, but after that he felt somewhat sad, and he knew it was getting worse. Though he didn't know why he was feeling this way. They've been apart before so it shouldn't be effecting him, but looking back he never remembered them being apart for so long. A shopping spree was in order to clear his mind of his worries. Course thats what he but it down to, he was worried about his friend, who he'd hadn't seen or heard from.

As he was about to cross the road something caught his eye, a poster on the inside of a shop window. His heart skipped a beat, he found he couldn't move his eyes away from the image. "Howard?" he breathed. He moved closer, all sound disappeared and everyone around him faded into a blur. He was now so close that his face nearly collided with the glass of the window. He tried reading the text that showed where Howard Moon was performing on certain dates and the reviews, which surprisingly were all positive. Vince Noir, once chatty and bubbly, now speechless and ill looking. Howard was doing better than him, becoming more popular than him. Vince felt his throat dry up and his eyes filling up with tears. Deep down inside he was pleased for his friend, something finally did go his way for once. Now he was on posters, Vince knew that that itself would cheer Howard up. Vince suddenly felt confused, he was happy right? Then why did he feel so bad now? Vince thought he would become jealous, but he knew what jealously felt like, and this wasn't it. Was he...scared?

Vince jumped away from the window. Everything around him snapped back into motion, along with the sound of traffic and people. Vince looked around him, there were more posters with Howards face on. The more he looked the more he found. How hadn't he noticed them before, they were everywhere. Vince started to run. More and more, in the shop windows, on the sides of bus stops, plastered on bins, rolled up and soggy on the floor, being handed out by random people. These posters, Howards face, refused not to be noticed. Vince halted just in time to avoid getting run over by a red double decker bus, with an image of Howard on the side of it. Vince eyes widened, he started running down another route, finally reaching the Nabootique. Leaning against the metal shutters with his eyes closed, shopping bags by his side, Vince gasping for air. A hand placed itself on his arm, he opened his eyes to see that the hand belonged to Bollo. Vince forced a smile which clearly didn't convince the gorilla. Bollo picked up the shopping bags, not letting Vince hold any of them.

_**Bollo: **_Finally found out huh?

_**Vince: **_You knew all along?

_**B: **_Everyone known apart from you. His ugly mug shows up all over the place. Bollos eyes start to burn.

_**V: **_Why didn't you tell me? I have every right to know what Howards up to.

_**B: **_Know you'd get upset. Bollo upset.

_**V: **_Why are you upset?

_**B: **_Should be Vince on those square papers on walls, not him.

_**V: **_I'm not really in the mood for fame at the moment. (Vince gave him another smile)

_**B:**_ Your minds been in clouds. If not, you would have known sooner.

_**V: **_I think Howard is the reason for that. I don't know what to do Bollo. Ever since he left I've felt depressed. Any solutions?

_**B: **_Cup of tea?

Naboo watched from an upstairs window as Vince and Bollo made their way inside. Naboo peered at his newpaper in his hands where a photo of smug Howard Moon with a trumpet slung over his shoulder. He looked back at the scenery outside, it had started to rain again.

"Vince is scared of loosing him" Naboo whispered to no one in particular.

**This is my favorite chapter for some odd reason.**


	9. I do remember you vaguely

**Close your eyes and drift into a world of slumber, then wake up in a yeti's cave.**

**Disclaimer: ****YES i own the Mighty Boosh, LOVE ME MRUHAHAHAHA!!! I'm only joking, the real owners are Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. I just do rubbish fanart and fanfictions.**

**Chapter 9**

Howard sat on the edge of his bed in a hotel somewhere in Oxford. Bags of fan mail leaned against the far corner of the room, all been looked through, not one from the person that meant most to him. Vince was hard to forget, so Howard gave up trying to do so. Sure Howard had become a huge success, yet he felt like there was something missing. All those smiles he did for the camara were never genuine, the only person that ever made him feel truly happy was Vince. Howard wondered what his friend was up to nowadays, a series of questions ran through his mind. 'Was Vince still at the Nabootique? Na unlikely. Has he formed a band with people actually like him? Yeah probably. Has he managed to sign a record deal and has moved to America? Yep definitely. Did he miss or care about Howard now? Very unlikely. Did Howard miss or care for that selfish Mod? Always.'

Howard stared at the phone on his bedside table, his hand slowly moving towards it. He wondered if Vince would speak to him. Knowing Howards dodgy luck, Vince probably might have totally forgotten about him. Taking a deep breath he picked up the phone with one hand and reached for the numbers with his as he was about to press those buttons the door knocked making him jump, causing him to drop the phone. He got off the bed groaning while going off to open the door. He opened it to find two teenage girls standing there, one beaming at him. Howard pulled a face in thought. She looked somewhat baffled by his expression. Her friend looked a bit worried now, she leaned over to whisper in her ear.

_**Rei:**_ I thought you said you knew him personally?

_**Halian:**_ Yeah we've met before.

_**R: **_Then whys he looking at you like that?

The girl with the glasses, Halian, turns her attention back to Howard.

_**Ha: **_Alright mate.

_**Howard: **_Haven't i seen you before?

_**Ha: **_You forgot about me!

_**R: **_Thought so.

_**Ho: **_I'm sorry, where have we seen each other?

_**Ha: **_In that shop you used to work at back in Dalston, remember? I came in with my sister. Said I was gonna bring my mum next time I was around the area.

_**Ho: **_Oh yeah, I do remember you vaguely.

_**Ha: **_You see (turning to face her friend) we are on talking terms.

Her friend, Rei, cheered up a bit though she still wasn't totally convinced. She noticed Howard was staring at her, she looked down at her feet shyly trying to hide the blush forming on her cheeks.

_**Ha: **_We were wondering if you'd like a drink with us, your biggest fans.

_**Ho:**_ You two don't look like the type that'd be into jazz.

They both suddenly burst into giggles, making them look like a pair of nutters that somehow escaped therapy.

_**Ha: **_It's you we're mainly interested in. Well she is anyway.

_**R: **_Hey shuu! (looking really embarrassed now)

_**Ho: **_So you two are asking me out on a date?

_**Ha: **_Yeah. My friend is anyway, she fancies the arse off you.

_**R:**_ Halian! Don't tell him that!

_**Ha: **_And since we've met before I took it upon myself to bring her to see you in person.

Rei was now hiding her face behind her hands.

_**Ho: **_I'm..er..a bit busy right now,(backing off slowly) sorry girls.

_**Ha: **_Oh, right.

_**R: **_Sorry to have bothered you. (to her friend) Come on before you get us into more trouble!

_**Ha: **_Alright we're going, calm down will you. You got to meet Howard Moon.

_**R: **_Yeah, now we can leave. I don't want my hands chopped off.

_**Ha: **_Right. Well we'll maybe see you around then, thanks for your time.

_**Ho: **_Whoo hang on there! Whats this about hands being chopped off?

_**R: **_Oh great now you've got him worried.

_**Ho: **_Whats happened? Come on you can tell me.

_**Ha: **_Well, okay. Some fishy guy threatened to chop our hands off and use them as wall decorations if we went anywhere near you. Some weird git he was, nothimg to worry about though.

_**R: **_Come on lets get moving.

She pulled at Halians sleeve, they both ran out the corridor and down the stairs. Howard went back into his room and sat back near the spot where the phone was now hanging from it's wire. It was too late at night to call him now. Those girls had wasted his spare time, damn them! He hoped they get home in one piece mind you, the sound of some guy who used human parts as deco didn't surprise him. There was a lot of mad men in this world cutting up people, but this one guy didn't want these girls to see Howard. Why? That was another annoying question in his mind that would keep him from sleeping well tonight.

**This chapter is briefly covering Howards thoughts so far in the story, so it is important in it's own way. I stuck myself and my friend Rei in here because even though she isn't as much of a Boosh fan anymore, i did tell her ages ago i had added her to my fanfic, so here it is. Don't worry folks we won't be hogging the spot light in the other chapters. ^^ So anyway Howard belongs to the Boosh. Rei belongs to herself and Halian is me so I belong to me, I think. o_o **


	10. Stationary Village

**You wonder why the fire harms you but not me? It's simply because I dance with the flames, not against them.**

**Disclaimer:**** Does the deliciously sweet and sticky mass in the universe known as The Mighty Boosh belong to simple ol me? No I'm afraid not. The only ones that can harness the power are Gods known as Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.**

**Chapter 10**

Three and a half weeks later.

Naboo sat with his feet on the coffee table, spliff in mouth, threading beads through black string with a feather at the end. An open box at his side with the words 'Dream Catchers! Easy and Fun Make it Yourself Kit!' printed on the lid. "Easy and fun my arse." he muttered to himself, now undoing a knot that somehow formed by itself. "There that should do it." holding up his handmade DreamCatcher. Bollo walked over to Naboo and pinched his lighter that was left on the arm of the sofa, now lighting up his own spliff.

_**Naboo:**_ What do you think of this?

Naboo held up his DreamCatcher for Bollo to see.

_**Bollo: **_Shit.

_**N: **_Oh cheers Bollo.

_**B: **_Welcome.

Sighing Naboo got up, putting his spliff into the ashtray.

_**B: **_Why make that anyway?

_**N: **_Wanted to do something to cheer Vince up. He told me he likes handmade gifts.

_**B:**_ Only if you can tell what it's meant to be.

_**N: **_I can tell what it is.

_**B: **_I can't.

_**N: **_Whats it look like to you then?

_**B: **_Roadkill.

Bollo sat down inhaling the smoke. Naboo went searching for Vince. He heard movement in the shop so he went down there, when he got to the bottom of the stairs he stopped. There Vince stood with his back to Naboo, messing around with Stationary Village. Naboo walked over to Vince who jumped in shock, making Naboo jump also.

_**Vince: **_I didn't hear you coming down the stairs.

Vince stood between Naboo and Stationary Village with his arms outstretched, trying to hide it. Naboo raised his eyebrow and moved his head to the left, Vince moved a bit as well so Naboo still couldn't see.

_**N: **_You've been acting strange lately.

_**V: **_No i haven't.

_**N: **_Let me see what you've been doing.

_**V: **_Theres nothing to see.

_**N: **_Vince.

_**V: **_What?

_**N: **_Please.

He stared at Naboo with his glazed eyes, slowly dropping his arms to his sides, looking rather shameful as he stepped aside. Stationary Village didn't look that much different apart from the fact it was now newly dusted. Wait! Was that a new building made up of pencil sharpeners? A garage made of chalk sticks? A mini sculpture of a tooth made of putty rubber? The longer he looked the more he noticed these new things that weren't there when Howard was around. More mini buildings placed neatly next to coloured pencils lined up to form a road. Cardboard people, some holding hands and one trying to climb a bottle of Tipp-Ex. He looked up at Vince who was twirling his hair in his fingers, looking at nothing particular, all the while trying to avoid eye contact. This was a hard thing to do when you felt the gaze of Naboo upon you.

_**N: **_You've updated Stationary Village.

_**V: **_I umm, yeah.

_**N: **_Howard will love it.

Vince looked at him then saw the kindest smile was spread across Naboo's face, eyes full of understanding.

_**V: **_You really think so?

_**N: **_Of course. He'll be chuffed as punch that you're taking good care of it.

Tears rolled down Vinces beautifully curved cheeks, wiping them away when he realised he was crying.

_**V: **_Sorry, don't know what came over me.

_**N: **_You miss Howard. It's easy to see, you've known each other for so long. I'm sure he misses you too.

_**V: **_Like hell he would.

_**N: **_Why you say that?

_**V: **_It's my fault he's gone. All I cared about was my career.

_**N: **_Everyone thinks about their careers, that's only normal.

_**V:**_ I was willing to leave Howard here, I can see how that must have hurt him. I'm such an arse Naboo. No wonber he left me, I would leave me!

_**N: **_You two always have spats, nothing new there.

Vince looked even more miserable now. Naboo wasn't sure what he said wrong, but felt uneasy regardless. Then Naboo rememberd why he was down here in the first place.

_**N: **_I made this for you, thought you needed some cheering up.

Naboo then handed the DreamCatcher over to Vince, who's eyes widened in surprise.

_**V: **_Aww thanks Naboo, this is well funky. What is it exactly?

_**N: **_(sigh) It's meant to be a DreamCatcher.

_**V: **_What's a DreamCatcher?

_**N: **_You've never heard of one?

_**V: **_Not really, no.

_**N: **_You hang them up near your bed and they keep the nightmares at bay, they kinda work as a good luck charm too.

_**V: **_That sounds ace, I really appreciate it.

He went past Naboo's comfort zone and hugged him, then ran up stairs to put his new gift above his bed. Naboo rubbed his upper arms, Vince didn't know his own strength. If that hug was any tighter Naboo would have snapped like a twig, well thats what he thought anyway. The croc-a-dile phone started ringing. The South London Shaman eyed it curiously, no one rang them normally, he answered it anyway.

_**N: **_Naboolio's Nabootique at Dalston, full of second hand objects and other nicks-nacks. I'm Naboo, how may I help you?

_**(**__**voice on the phone**__**): **_That was a little rehearsed wasn't it?

_**N: **_Who's this?

_**(voice): **_It's me, Howard Moon.

**Now being the creative type I can imagine Vince going a bit over the top if he ever decided to recreate Stationary Village, hence why he added pencil roads and cardboard people. ^^ Yeah Naboo's acting a bit out of character, but i do think he would make Vince something if he was getting on his nerves. **


	11. Royal Cabbage

**Disclaimer:** **God created Adam and Eve, but soon realised how un-entertaining they were. So he then created Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, but they were so powerful with awesomeness that they overruled him and took the title of God for themselves. They wrote a bible that they called 'The Mighty Book of Boosh' and created their own form of praying known as 'Crimping'. They have many followers, I am one of them. **

**Chapter 11**

Week and a half eaten apple later.

'The Royle Cabbage', a most well known snobby private theatre, often full with celebrities. A handful of people chatting happily away with a glass of Chardonnay at hand in the guest hall. Amongst them was Leslie GougouFlower and Howard moon, who was the only person there that didn't look happy at all. Leslie noticed this.

_**Leslie: **_Whats with the long face? You're negative vibes will rub off on everyone.

_**Howard: **_Just not feeling like myself.

_**L: **_Well make sure your mood doesn't effect your performance tonight. (short pause) Hey where are you going? My boss will be here tonight to see you!

Howard didn't hear him as he legged it out the hall. Everyone watched Howard leave, then all eyes were on Leslie.

_**L: **_What? I'm just as baffled as you are.

He couldn't do this anymore, not without the person that meant so much to him. He ran into the road causing a taxi to screech to a halt, the driver looked petrified. "Perfect" Howard beamed as he jumped into the taxi.

Vince's body slumped on the table, his face flat on the cold surface muttering insults to the world. Aware that his flatmates were in the same room, but not caring. Bollo looked at the Mod in pity then started frowning at his shaman master.

_**Bollo: **_Bollo thinks you should tell him.

_**Naboo: **_I'm not sure how he'll take it.

_**B: **_The longer you leave it, the worst it get.

Bollo walked over to Vince and poked his shoulder.

_**Vince: **_Wha?

_**B: **_Naboo has something to tell you, something important.

_**V: **_Don't care.

_**B: **_Naboo.

_**N: **_(sigh) Vince, I got a phone call.

_**V: **_Whoop-de-do.

_**N: **_From Howard.

Vince's head quickly shot up off the table at that, his large eyes staring into Naboo's soul. Vince was scaring Naboo a little, not that he would admit it.

_**V: **_Howard?

_**N: **_Yes Howard.

Not blinking Vince slowly pulled his body from the table, eyes still fixed on the small blue shaman.

_**V: **_When?

_**N: **_A week ago.

_**V: **_Why didn't you tell me!

Before Naboo knew what was happening Vince had somehow got from the table across the far end of the room to him, now Naboo was pinned to the wall. Vince started shouting and the shaman now found it harder to hide his fear, he had never seen the Mod like this before.

_**V: **_Why didn't you tell me!!

_**N: **_I don't know!

Breathing heavily, fresh tears started streaming down Vince's face.

_**B: **_We worried about you Vince.

_**V: **_What did he say?!

_**N: **_If you'll calm down I'll.. Hey put me down!

Vince had now lifted the shaman by the front of his robes, still pinning him to the wall.

_**V: **_..You?

_**B: **_Put Naboo down, he break easily. Can't have that, he still owes me money.

_**N:**_ Oh thanks.

_**B: **_Vince.

The gorilla tugged on Vinces arms. Vince took a deep breath and gave in, letting go of Naboo who landed on the floor with a thud. Vince was calming down a bit now, Bollo went over and helped Naboo get up from his uncomfortable position on the floor.

_**V: **_Naboo?

_**N: **_Okay okay. Howard rang a week ago telling me he was going to be performing at 'The Royal Cabbage'.

_**V: **_Wait, that's not far from here.

_**N: **_He told me that it's going to be his last performance here. Once that's done he's moving to New Orleans.

_**V: **_When's he playing?

_**N: **_Tonight.

_**V: **_**Tonight! **(he squealed)

_**N: **_Yep.

_**V: **_I've got to get there! Naboo get your magic carpet out your giving me a lift.

_**N: **_I'm not your taxi service Vince.

_**V: **_You owe me.

_**N: **_Far enough.

The taxi stopped outside the Nabootique, Howard jumped out and ran straight to the shop door.

_**Taxi Driver: **_Hey! What about my money mate?

_**H: **_Stay there, I'm planning on using you to get back.

_**T D: **_Alright then, I'll just have a fag while i wait.

The familiar sound of the shop door bell rang out when he walked in, a sound he remembered and missed. He looked around taking everything in. "Only been away a few months and already this place is a mess." Howard thought, running his finger across a shelf covered in grime. Something caught his eye, the only part of the shop that was obviously getting any form of attention. Stationary Village, though not how he remembered it, it had been updated. Howard was suprised that it was still there, since he was the only one that cared about it so much, well at least he thought he was until now. There was a sudden sound coming from upstairs. At the sound he ran towards the stairs, leaving his thoughts on Stationary Village for another time. "Vince?" he called out. No reply. He couldn't see anyone in the living room or the kitchen, he checked the bathroom to find that was empty too. The only other place in the flat Vince could be was his bedroom, the one room Howard never stepped into in fear of one day catching Vince in the 'act' with someone he brought home, or getting a seizure from the amount of flashing disco lights and vivid colours that was bound to be trapped in there. He went over to the Mods bedroom door and knocked, no response. Did the same thing again and still no response. He reached for the door handle, bracing himself he opened the door. "Vince" he called out again. He stepped inside Vince's bedroom to find that no one was inside. Howard was surprised and a little disappointed to discover that Vince's bedroom wasn't like a night club from the 60's, instead it was rather boring. Light blue walls, three mirrors two large and one small, two huge wardrobes, a pile of magazines on a shelf above the window, silver curtains, a make-up table and a single bed. There was something hanging above the bed from the ceiling that looked like a mass of string and feather but he couldn't make out what it was meant to be. He turned his attention to the make-up table and noticed a framed photo amongst the hair products and eyeliner. Now knowing Vince, Howard would expect the photo to be of Mick Jagger or Vince himself. But instead what Howard saw was a photo of..himself? Picking it up he gazed at his photo. Howard remembered now, this was the framed photograph he gave Vince back when they worked in the zoo. He never thought Vince had actually kept it, let alone place it where it's in full view. Howard hiccuped trying to hold back a sob, placing the framed photo of himself back on the table. Had Vince missed him after all? Howard wouldn't have thought so, but now he wasn't sure anymore. Howard suddenly heard footsteps and grumbling behind him.

_**B: **_Howard?

_**H: **_Bollo!

_**B: **_What you doing here?

_**H: **_Looking for Vince. Where is he?

_**B: **_Gone to look for you.

_**H: **_You're joking.

_**B: **_No.

_**H: **_Well do you know where he's at right now?

_**B: **_Royal Cabbage.

_**H: **_I just came from there, well that's bleeding fantastic.

Howard groaned with annoyance, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

_**H: **_Okay I'm going back.

_**B: **_Good luck.

_**H: **_With what?

_**B: **_Nothing. Now go on, piss off.

Howard shook his head and rushed out the flat, got into the waiting taxi and back to where he started. Bollo sipped his coffee and shuffled back to his own bedroom, grunting "Idiot."

**Way hay now it's getting interesting, well for me it is anyway. You should know this by now but I'll remind you anyways. Boosh characters belong to the Gods known as Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, characters you don't recognise being in the series belong to me, like Leslie GougouFlower. **


	12. I look terrible!

**Ah here at last a chapter of new, the plot is so shit it'll make you spew.**

**Disclaimer:**** People, objects and things in between in the Boosh world belong to Julian Barratt and his wife Noel Fielding. There are some of my OC's in here (as usual).**

**Chapter 12**

_**Naboo: **_Alright we're here.

Vince jumped off the magic carpet and onto the ledge of the only open window and climbed inside. Naboo sat crosslegged near the front of the carpet, lowering it so he could get a better look at the interior. Thankfully Vince was the only one in that room, they didn't want to be spotted sneaking in. The faint sound of music and chatter could be heard, Naboo then noticed Vince was looking a lot paler than normal, if that was even possible.

_**N: **_You're not having second thoughts are you?

_**Vince:**_ That sound.

_**N: **_It's called music.

_**V: **_It's, it's Jazz!

_**N: **_So?

_**V: **_I feel sick.

_**N: **_Get over it.

_**V: **_But Naboo, you know how poorly I get when in contact with jazz.

_**N: **_Vince that's all in your head. No one can get ill from different forms of music.

_**V: **_I can, I'm special remember.

_**N: **_Don't forget why you're here, if it helps then try blocking it out from your mind.

_**V: **_You can do that?

_**N: **_Yeah, I'm always doing it. Helps me concentrate when Bollo insists on playing his music full blast.

_**V: **_Thanks Naboo.

Vince gave him a half hearted smile. Naboo grinned back at him, now moving the magic carpet away from the window and up into the sky out of sight. Watching the blue shaman disappear ,Vince then opened the door and left the room, on to search for his friend.

Outside the guest hall prowled a restless Leslie who was frantically looking around, fidgeting with his tail. He jumped at the sudden presence of Howard running towards him, but not to him. Leslie out stretched his hand and grabbed the back of Howards jacket, stopping him from going any further.

_**Leslie:**_ Whoo there cowboy! Where'd you think you're going? Your disappearing act earlier has caused chaos. We are here because of you and you don't seem to realize this.

_**Howard: **_I don't care to be frankly honest.

_**L: **_Well that attitude won't get you anywhere.

Howard started at him, raising an eyebrow.

_**L: **_Alright. You're a highly successful famous jazz musician. But running off randomly with no explanation ain't looking good on your part dear.

_**H: **_I'm sorry for that okay. But at this moment all I care about is finding my best friend. I miss him so much and I know he's here.

_**L: **_I'm sure this 'friend' of yours will be in the Staple Hall with everyone else waiting for you.

_**H: **_I would like to check the passageways first.

_**L: **_Why? Surely he'll be in the hall.

_**H: **_He's..not the type that would willingly mingle with jazz fanatics.

_**L: **_You're friends with such a person? Well he's someone you can clearly do without.

_**H: **_You don't know him. Sure he's different from me in every way but that doesn't matter to me, not anymore sir.

_**L: **_Uh huh. That's all well and good Moon, but I can't let you run off now. The guests are becoming exceedingly unpleasant having to wait for you, and if this friend of yours wants to be found then I guarantee he'll be in the hall. Anyway if you don't get there and do what you do best, then it's my head on the line.

_**H: **_How come? I'm the famous one here. If anything goes balls up then I'll be the one to blame.

_**L: **_Yes but I'll be left picking up the pieces. Theres a _very _special someone that'll be there watching you tonight and who I've arranged to meet you in person later on.

_**H: **_I'm not in the mood to meet yet another journalist, remember what happened the last time?

_**L: **_Oh don't, I never want that mental image back. But no it's not a journalist. It's my boss, **our** boss, the one you've been dying to meet.

_**H: **_Right. (he grumbled)

_**L: **_Well don't sound too enthusiastic now will you.

_**H: **_Sorry. But why today of all days?

_**L: **_Why does it matter? Now come on you've kept them waiting long enough.

Leslie was now pushing Howard in the direction of the hall with some force, Howard all the while not making it any easier.

Chatting amongst themselves stopped momentarily as Vince passed. Looking at him with disgust they moved back to avoid getting close to this raven haired stranger. Vince was not used to this, was not used to it at all. People normally flocked around him all wanting a piece of Noir. Is this how it was for Howard when they where still together? People blanking him out and regarding him as a waste of space. This was how it used to be, but the tables have turned and it was Vince that was now in that position. If Vince knew it felt this horrible then he wouldn't have gone out so often, instead he'd have stayed in with Howard to keep him company. Everyone seemed to be heading in one direction so Vince followed. They obviously knew where they were going, which was much more than could be said for the doleful Mod. As he walked past an open door two women hurtled themselves in front of him, not allowing him to go any further.

_**woman 1: **_Look what we've got here.

_**woman 2: **_How on earth did someone in your state manage to get in here?

_**V: **_What do you mean by 'someone in my state'?

_**w 1: **_Not meaning to be rude or anything dear. But you look like something a cat's coughed up.

Vince looked at his reflection with the small hand mirror he randomly pulled out of thin air. Mascara was smudged along his eyes, lips were cracked, hair hadn't been combed in ages. His shirt was stained with more mascara, yogurt and specks of ink from his colouring jeans now had holes in them (not artifical ones) and he had forgotten to put on any shoes so his lime green and white striped socks could be seen. He was appalled by what he saw.

_**V: **_I look terrible!

_**w 2: **_How'd you not notice before?

_**w 1: **_Were you heading to the Staple Hall?

_**V: **_The what hall?

_**w 1: **_Well not only is this boy a mess but he's also dense. We should have noticed that from the off.

_**w 2: **_He obviously must have been drinking and somehow in his drunken state of mind managed to sneak in. He probably has no idea where he is.

_**w 1: **_Poor boy.

_**V: **_I haven't been drinking, I know exactly where I am.

_**w 1: **_In denial.

_**V: **_I'm in the Royal Cabbage.

_**w 2: **_Maybe not.

_**w 1: **_hmm.

_**V: **_I'm searching for my friend, Howard Moon.

_**w 1: **_Everyones friends with Mr Moon.

_**w 2: **_I would like to be more than his friend.

She started licking her lips, which resulted in her getting a slap on the arm by her laughing mate.

_**w 1: **_Listen, everyone here has come to see him. But you'll never be allowed any further if one of the other staff spot you. We here have a dress code you see, got to keep a reputation after all.

_**V: **_So what should I do? I desperately need to see him in person.

_**w 2: **_You don't need to do anything, we'll get you spruced up.

_**V: **_Er.. times not really on my side.

_**w 2: **_Nonsence. I'm a profressional make up artist and she's in charge of clothing, we often work for the celebrities.

_**w 1: **_And we're not letting you go looking like that.

Vince suddenly giggled stupidly, both women exchanged looks.

_**V: **_I remember Howard claiming to be a make up artist in a conversation we a had long time ago. Always making up excuses.

_**w 1: **_I can't imagine him as one. Hey Stacey if that was the case I think you'd have more of a chance.

_**w 2: **_Oh shut up you.

Both women stopped and noticed Vince had tried sneaking past them.

_**w 1: **_Oh no you don't!

They grabbed an arm each and pulled a protesting Vince into the room they'd come from, quickly locking the door behind them.

**Aww poor Vincey, don't worry darling your in safe hands. Oh wait he's been literally dragged into a room with a couple of my OC's, that can't be good for anyones health. o_o**


	13. Aardvark with an ASBO

**Theres nothing fishier then a crab, and nothing crabbier then a fish. **_What are you on about? _**This chapter of course.**

**Disclaimer:**** The Mighty Boosh is oh so wonderful, i wish it was mine but sadly it's not. Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own it.**

**Chapter 13**

Leslie stood mutely in the doorway, hoping he would be able to stay here where he was in view of everyone who passed through the corridor. Not wanting to be left alone with his boss/master who currently had 'it's' back to him, sitting in 'it's' own private balcony looking down into the Staple Hall.

**(master): **One might think you're up to mischief lurking around like that.

_**Leslie: **_No no I'm just being nosey, trying to catch peoples conversations. Haha

_**(m): **_It's only mindless staff and us up in these quarters. You won't hear what you didn't know before.

_**L: **_You can be surprised what the dim-witted know that we superior know not.

_**(m): **_You're avoiding me.

_**L: **_Me? Nooo of course not. Don't know where you got that idea from. Haha

_**(m): **_Come here then.

Leslie gulped and walked onto the balcony, stopping just out of 'it's' reach.

_**(m): **_Look at him Leslie. A man with pure charisma, like a Fats Domino Ostrich.

Leslie looked over the edge of the balcony at Howard who was performing on the colossal stage, all and sundry in awe of him.

_**L: **_As much charisma as an aardvark with an ASBO more like.

_**(m): **_I'm the only one allowed to slag off Howard. So I'd suggest keeping your mouth shtum from now on. Unless you want me to rip out that little pink tongue of yours.

_**L: **_I would very much like to keep my tongue thank you.

His master ignored him, as usual.

_**(m): **_I've booked a table at 'Petra's Palay' for us.

_**L: **_I'm flattered.

_**(m): **_Not you fool! Me and Howard, after tonight I won't need you anymore.

_**L: **_Isn't 'Petra's Palay' the local kebab house? Not very romantic is it.

_**(m): **_Whats wrong with it? It's food in the end of the day.

_**L: **_So it's the thought that counts kinda thing?

_**(m): **_Mmm yes, I've been waiting for this night for so long now. He's most certainly greatful for what I've done for him.

_**L: **_Through me.

_**(m): **_Quit interrupting.

_**L: **_Sorry.

_**(m): **_I'm so excited. You've mentioned this to him. Is he zealous?

_**L: **_Uh, yeah well..um.

There was a short silence, though to Leslie it felt like hours. Feeling his masters questioning stare piercing into him, this had quickly become a very unpleasant atmosphere.

_**(m): **_I don't like that tone in your voice. Whats Howard said?

_**L: **_He..didn't seem as enthusiastic as he would normally have been.

_**(m): **_What've you said to him? This is your fault I know it.

_**L: **_Wait a moment don't start pointing that webbed finger at me! I ain't said nothing to put him off. There's this friend of his that suddenly out of the blue he wants to be reunited with. I had to literally force him onto the stage tonight. Personally I think you've got a bit of a competition for Mr Moons affection.

_**(m): **_I've worked too hard on this. Everything must go exactly as planned. Dispose of this friend of his.

_**L: **_Pardon?

_**(m): **_Dispose of his friend. I can't have rivals, Howard is mine and mine alone.

Lesile left the balcony on his masters command. Tugging on his thinning blond hair, Leslie wondered how on earth he got into this situation in the first place.

**If you don't know who the master is then don't fear my friends, for it shall all be revealed in the next chapter. JOYNESS! **


	14. Call me Luscious

**I have a beautiful mind, when i can find it.**

**Disclaimer:**** Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding created and own The Mighty Boosh. All I own is my Boosh DVD's, CD, book, calendar and your soul.**

**Chapter 14**

Howard was on stage giving his all in jazzy fashion, all the while scanning the crowd with his shrimp sized eagle eyes. Leslie made his way to the centre of the hall so he could get a good view of Howard, grabbing a fresh glass of Chardonnay off the tray of a passing waiter. A drink is what he needed at a time like this. Behind him the main doors of the hall flew open, the light coming from the hallway framed the lone figure standing in the doorway. Momentarily Leslie thought he'd gone deaf, but it soon occurred to him that Howard had stopped playing. Once Howards eyes adjusted to the flash of blinding light that beamed through the open door, he could make out who the figure was. Once he could recognize the person, the shock made Howard drop his instrument. There in a navy blue diamond encrusted dress wearing blue eye shadow, black mascara, light pink blusher and lip-gloss, stood Vince, looking a bit uncomfortable as everyone in the hall seemed to be staring at him. The thought occurred to him that using the largest doors to the hall wasn't his best idea. His heart did a summersault once he spotted Howard, and was taken aback by the sight of Howard beaming at him.

_**Howard:**_ Vince!

_**Vince: **_Howard!

Howard jumped down from the stage and ran through the crowd of baffled people, Vince also started running towards his friend. Once they reached each other Howard picked Vince up and span him around above his shoulders. Lowering Vince back on the ground they flung their arms around each other in a tight embrace.

_**V: **_Howard, I really missed you.

_**H: **_(teasingly) How much did you miss me?

_**V:**_ I've missed you, um, more than I'd miss TopShop if it ever went bust.

_**H: **_Wow! I'm honored. Seriously? You couldn't have missed me _that_ much. I'm that old boring misfit that kept holding you back remember.

_**V: **_I am being serious. I haven't been myself since you left, you complete me.

Howard, who was still hugging Vince, was so full of joy that without a second thought kissed Vince on the forehead. Howard tensed up after realizing what he just did, dreading his friends reaction. But relaxed again when he saw the sheer happiness on Vince's face, eye's twinkling like the diamonds on his dress.

_**V: **_Did you miss me then?

_**H: **_I think you already know the answer to that.

They stood gazing at each other, forgetting they weren't the only ones in the hall. The happy little moment between them was cut short when Howard felt someone tapping him on the shoulder. He turned and saw Leslie with his mouth slightly open, goggling at them, looking astonished.

_**Leslie: **_Well you never fail to amaze me.

_**H: **_What do you mean sir?

_**L: **_I'd never has guessed this friend of yours was a transvestite. And I must say..(now talking to Vince) you pulled it off well. When I first laid eyes on you I honestly thought you were a woman. I suspect you get that alot.

_**V: **_Yeah...who are you exactly?

_**H: **_This is my manager, mind him he's a bit odd.

_**L: **_I can introduce myself thank you.

Leslie held and sniffed Vince's hand then bowed.

_**L: **_Names Leslie GougouFlower, but you can call me Luscious.

_**V: **_Gross.

He pulled his hand back, pulling a face of disgust. Looking over Leslie at something in the distance his expression soon changed to that of alarm. Leslie and Howard also looked in that direction when screams filled the hall from the ones that had noticed the same thing as Vince, a couple even fainted. Howard felt his mouth go dry as he stood horrified, staring into the eyes of the monster from his past.

_**H: **_Old Gregg!

The transexual merman made it's way to the three, others running for the nearest exit to get away from this bizarre individual. Icy blue eyes hungry for it's pray, licking it's lips as it gazed at Howard, who was currently shielding his friend away from Old Gregg. Trying to appear brave but was obviously shitting himself with fear.

_**Old Gregg: **_Miss me?

_**H: **_N.n..not particularly.

_**OG: **_Oh but you have. Even though I've been there throughout, watching you reach to the top. I'm the reason you're here.

_**V: **_What's with this guy? (he whispered to Howard, who shrugged as a response.)

_**OG:**_ To be honest it went a little too well. At first I thought I'd have to do away with some folk. But you surprise me Howard.

_**H: **_Ho..how come?

_**OG: **_You've improved from the last time we met. I was literally blown away by your performance, my tutu's disorganized and my seaweed's out of place.

_**V: **_Sounds like me after a good night out.

_**L: **_You don't have seaweed dear.

_**V: **_Seaweed, hair, you know what I mean.

_**L: **_Not really.

_**OG: **_Shut ya traps!

_**V & L: **_Sorry.

_**H: **_Gregg. I'm flattered that you take pleasure from listening to my work, but you really must stop stalking me. I get enough of that from those two.

He pointed to the two girls, Halian and Rei, who ducked behind a nearby table when they noticed Old Gregg was looking at them.

_**OG: **_You were practically begging to see me. Isn't that right Leslie?

Lesile coughed and looked away, swirling his finger on the rim of his glass.

_**H: **_I don't understand what you mean Gregg.

_**OG: **_You haven't figured it out yet?

_**H: **_Figured out what?

_**OG: **_I'm your Boss, I'm his Boss!

Old Gregg pointed at Leslie, who now felt all eyes were on him again. He refused to look up at them, still playing with his glass.

_**H: **_Are you being serious?

_**OG: **_I've never been so serious Howard.

_**H: **_But why? Why go through all that just for me?

_**OG: **_I did this so you'd become famous, just like you always wanted. Then once you found out I'd gone through all that trouble for you, you'd fall in love with me.

_**H: **_Oh dear god. Gregg this isn't some kind of movie. I appreciate what you've done for me, but you can't make someone fall in love with you.

Howard went over and grabbed Leslie's upper arm, spinning him around so they were now facing each other.

_**H:**_ You have some explaining to do.

_**L: **_Me? (he squeaked nervously)

_**H: **_Yes you! All this time you've been secretly trying to hook me up with him! How could you do this to me?

_**L: **_Now Moon, you don't really understand the situation here.

_**H: **_Whats not to understand? All along you've been working for Old Gregg.

_**L: **_He would have killed me if I didn't! I'm in constant fear you hear!

_**H: **_I should have known something was up from the start, when I first met you back at the shop. I knew back then it must have been to good to be true. Alarm bells in my mind started ringing once you told me no one else had past the auditions.

_**V: **_Wait I'm confused. You two met at the shop? Auditions?

Then everything clicked together in Vince's mind. Suddenly looking furious, he pointed his silk gloved finger at Leslie.

_**V: **_You took Howard away from me!!

_**L: **_You're back together now, anyway weren't you happy for him?

_**V: **_I had no bleeding clue where he was for six months! I only found out what had become of him around a month ago. To answer your question, yes. I'm happy for him, but that didn't stop me from missing him terribly.

Despite the current situation, Howard couldn't help but smile at that.

_**OG: **_That reminds me. Leslie you have failed to do what I asked of you.

_**L: **_You..asked of me sir?

_**OG: **_To dispose of Howards friend. I can't have him cooing over someone else.

Both Howard and Vince stared at one another in horror, then at Leslie.

_**H: **_You were going to kill Vince?!

_**V: **_You were gonna kill me!?

_**L: **_Whoo there a second! That was his idea not mine. I didn't want to be put in this position.

_**H: **_That's it sir! You've gone straight down on my estimations.

_**L: **_I wasn't going to go through with it anyway. I'm not the mass murdering type.

_**V: **_Yeah, you're the backstabbing type.

_**L: **_Harsh.

_**H: **_This is insane!

_**OG: **_I'll take you away from all this if you want, i've got my own balcony.

_**H: **_This has to stop. Find someone else Gregg, move on.

_**OG: **_I love you, and only you.

_**H: **_I don't love you, and never will.

_**OG: **_Fine. If that's the way you want it.

Quick as a flash Old Gregg pulled out a knife from the lining of his silver jacket. An arm pushed Howard to the ground, for a brief second the now petrified mod's face was inches away from Gregg's. He was the mermans target. A gasp caught in Vinces throat as the knife was thrust into the chest. Swaying momentarily, body fell and landed in the mavericks trembling arms.

**The suspense!! Stay tuned folks for more chapters are to come. Dun dun duunn!!!**


	15. Mod and the Maverick

**Don't tickle the tortoise as it tackles your toe.**

**Disclaimer:**** Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own The Mighty Boosh, Paul King messes around with it a bit and I make fanfictions and fanart of it.**

**Chapter 15**

Shocked, Vince stood over Howard who was screaming out for help, all the while trying reassure himself and the wounded person in his arms that everything will be alright. What had happened was struggling to sink in, it all occurred so fast. Once the homicidal lake dweller pulled out his knife, Vince's instant reaction was to reach out to Howard, but he was beaten to it by another arm that wasn't his. As Howard lost balance landing on his back, there was a clear opening for Old Gregg to strike. As Gregg thrust his knife towards Vince, Leslie had jumped between them and took the full force of the blade, now embedded in his chest. Old Gregg looked just as shocked as Vince.

_**Old Gregg: **_Why'd you do that you fool? I was gonna let you live a bit longer.

Vince knelt down and tried helping Howard stop Leslie from loosing any more blood. Leslie's eyes were half closed but were trying desperately to stay open. The lack of blood was making him woozy, making his sight blurred and his speech slurred. He reached out to touch Vince's face but ended up waving his hand four inches away from it. Vince held his hand and placed it near the wound.

_**Vince: **_Don't move you nutcase, you're going to make yourself worse.

_**Leslie: **_Yoor fab..u..os.

_**Howard: **_Shuu try not to talk.

_**L: **_Won tall..king to u How..ard. N get your bloody ands off mhi shirt.

_**H: **_It's **'your' **blood! I'm trying to stop you dying here.

Leslie's glazing eyes looked up past Howard at Old Gregg, who was leaning over them. Leslie smiled at him, the pain causing the side of his mouth to twitch.

_**L: **_I...resign.

He slowly closed his eyelids and dozed off, slumping more into Howards arms.

_**H: **_Leslie? Leslie!!!! Don't die on me you git!

Howard started to shake him in panic. When Howard got no response he started to cry.

_**V: **_Shaking him ain't gonna help matters.

_**H: **_Oh god! This is all my fault.

_**V: **_How is this your fault?

_**H: **_Everything that could possibly go wrong goes wrong around me.

_**V: **_That's not true Howard. You've achieved so much, a lot more than I have. Just look where you are now.

_**H: **_What? Sobbing uncontrollably on the floor in a freaking cold hall full of pompous twats, with my dead two faced manager in my arms and my best mate wearing a bloody dress while a homicidal merman leers over us. Oh yes I **really **like where I am now!

_**V: **_No need to be sarcastic.

_**OG: **_Can I have my knife back.

Both men looked up at Old Gregg in total disbelief.

_**OG: **_Is that a no then?

_**H: **_Of course you can't have your bleeding knife back!

_**OG: **_If you want to keep Old Greggs best knife, then that's fine. I've always got spares, one must be well equipped after all.

Gregg bent down and dipped his hand into his white cowboy boot, pulling out a butter knife.

_**V: **_You've **got** to be kidding me!

_**OG: **_Time to finish the job.

Old Gregg grabbed Vince tightly by the throat with one hand and had the knife raised in the other. Vince grabbed hold of Greggs arm trying to push it away, but Gregg was stronger than he looked. Vince couldn't move and was finding it difficult to breathe. He started panicking trying to gasp for air, watery eyes staring up at the blade hovering above him.

_**H: **_Gregory. Please you don't have to do this, lets be reasonable here.

_**OG: **_Tried to reason with you Howard.

He tightened his grip on the knife and Vinces throat, Howard felt powerless.

_**H: **_Gregg **don't**!!

_**OG: **_I'm Old Grreeeeeggggg!

*WHAM*

Gregg's body unexpectedly fell, landing face first between the Mod and the Maverick. They stared at Old Greggs unconscious body, not quite sure what just happened. Their eyes slowly moved to where Gregg was standing only moments ago to find a pair of feet standing on that spot. Moving their gaze upwards past purple jeans and patchwork polo-neck fleece, noticing the metal serving tray in this persons hands, they finally looked him in the eye, through huge glasses held together by tape.

_**V: **_It's Gordan!!

_**Gordan: **_Ya right guys?

_**H: **_Gorgan!...How did you get here?

_**G:**_ By car der.

_**V: **_What Howard meant was, what are you doing here?

_**G: **_Came to watch Howard play like everyone else of course. That's till you came along and distractedhim. I'm amazed you're still showing your deplorable ashen tapered face after that appalling performance.

_**V: **_You still haven't forgiving me? It's been ages since I set foot in the 'Frozen Flares', couldn't you let it drop?

_**G: **_You nearly gave my uncle a heart attack! I was planning on whacking you over the head with this, but seeing as this guy was causing more trouble I decided to knock him out instead.

_**H: **_You're literally a life saver Gordan, a true hero.

_**G: **_Superhero?

_**H: **_Um..not quite, that requires super powers. But that doesn't matter, you saved us.

_**V: **_We're totally grateful.

_**G: **_If you're that grateful you'll sigh me an autograph.

_**H: **_Sure, if that's all you want. Listen Gordan could you please ring an ambulance.

_**G: **_What's the point of me doing that? If he gets any better he'll probably come looking for me wanting his revenge, he looks unpleasant.

_**H: **_Not for Gregg you idiot, I need it for him.

Howard nodded his head towards Leslie's body in his arms. Gordan only now noticing Leslie, got his mobile out and called for help, picking up napkins with his spare hand he helped Vince mop up the blood.

**Gordan's back!! Not that anyone cares, he's a rubbish OC of mine anyway. XD **


	16. Turnip with tourettes

**My foreign fringe of fortune is forever found.**

**Disclaimer:**** Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own The Mighty Boosh, for they are GODS!! I am a mere mortal. Amen**

**Chapter 16**

Standing on the rainy pavement with their arms entwined sharing a space under a single gray umbrella. The slightly traumatised Jazz Maverick and Eletro Poof watched as Leslie was lifted into the back of an ambulance. Eventually Howard looked at his friend, who was watching as the ambulance drove off into the night. Howard draped his jacket over Vinces shoulders to keep him warm, which Vince eyed with slight disapproval since it didn't match his dress, yet he was still greatful for it. He shuffled closer to Howard and rested his head on Howards shoulder slowly, not quite sure how his friend would react. When they were reunited in the hall they were both over the moon, in that short time the 'no touching' rule didn't apply. Now that the atmosphere had changed, Vince suspected Howard would have put that rule back up, not wanting any form of human contact. Howards arm rapped itself around Vince in a gentle one arm now forgetting his worries hugged him back. Oh how he'd truly missed his freaky jazz maverick. "My maverick? That doesn't sound to good, makes me sound possessive." Vince though. But he knew very well that's what he is, possessive. His selfish greedy nature is what scared Howard away in the first place. Tears started welling up in his eyes as this horrible truth sunk in. Vince tried to hide his face from Howard not wanting to be seen crying, but it was no good. Howard moved his hand to Vinces cheek, gradually encouraging Vince to turn his head and face Howard, looking him in the eyes.

_**Howard: **_Hey little man, whats with the tears? I've never known you cry.

_**Vince: **_I'm sad.

_**H: **_I can see that. But hey don't worry, Leslie will pull through. Well that's what the paramedic told me anyway, I honestly thought he died in my arms. But they're convinced he's still alive. I should take their word for it since they know what they're talking about, or so thats what they want us to believe.

_**V: **_That's not it Howard! What I meant was I'm a sad excuse for a human being. I've treated you like shit yet you still stood by me. That's till even you couldn't take me anymore and walked out. Without me you became famous, something better, fulfilling your dream. You did a lot better without me, turns out I was the one dragging you behind. I didn't know what was most precious to me until I lost it. You Howard. Our time apart has taught me that.

Howard was a little taken aback by that, he never thought Vince would say that. He knew they had missed each other, but up until that point he didn't realise how much leaving had effected Vince.

_**H: **_We're together now, and I'm not planning on walking out on you ever again. Sure I've done well for myself, but I never felt complete. Though unlike you I knew what was missing from the very start.

_**V: **_Well, what was it?

_**H: **_Heh. You obviously. We need time apart sometimes since you do my head in, but in the end we need each other. Me and you Vince, together me and you make a whole person.

He beamed down at Vince, wiping away the tear that escaped the Mods beautiful blue eyes. Vince's mood was lifted a bit and he couldn't help but smile back at his friend.

_**H: **_We're an odd pair me and you. Like a white sock that got paired up with a coloured one.

_**V: **_Yeah! I'm the knee high totally wicked multicoloured sock and you're the off white ankle sock with holes where the toes stick out.

_**H: **_...We don't have to go into detail, but you get the idea.

_**V: **_Heh yeah. Hey Howard...I really meant what I said, I'm going to change.

_**H: **_I wouldn't change you for the world Vince. You are who you are, I am who am I am. Now lets get inside before you freeze to death and before I get torn apart by these lot.

Both men quickly climbed into Howards awaiting limo and managed to shut the door before the multitude of Howards fans and the paparazzi could get within reaching distance. Obeying Howards orders the driver drove them away, leaving the disappointed crowd behind.

_**Driver:**_ Where would you like to go sir? (the driver looked strangely familiar to Bob Fossil)

_**H: **_Just drive around random roads for the moment, I don't want to deal with the press.

Vince looked around in awe, mouth slightly ajar. Howard couldn't help but laugh at his friends expression.

_**H: **_You've never been in one of these before?

_**V: **_I have once, when it was Tom Foolery's stag do. It was nothing compared to this. This is luxury. Is this really yours?

_**H: **_I don't own this, it's just my favorite one that I use the most.

_**V: **_So this is what I've been missing out on, haha.

_**H: **_Vince.

_**V: **_Hmmm?

_**H: **_I'm scheduled to fly over to New Orleans tonight, in two hours time.

_**V: **_Oh! Oh yeah I had heard. Are you going?

_**H: **_That's what I was about to ask you.

Vince was silent for a moment, staring at Howard trying to work out in his head what his friend meant. Being a bit on the slow side it took him awhile but it soon clicked.

_**V: **_Howard are you asking me to go with you, to New Orleans?

_**H: **_You got it little man.

_**V: **_Wow I can't believe this! Wait till I tell Naboo and Bol....oh.

Vince fell silent yet again, looking out the window at the passing city lights and raindrops.

_**V: **_I can understand if you're having second thoughts. Whatever you choose will be fine by me, I'll be happy with whatever you pick.

_**V: **_I've always wanted to move to America, it has tons more. I sometimes dream that I've purchased so much American fashion that it's not possible for me to try them all on in my lifetime, so I end up hiring 14 Polish scientists to clone me so I can see myself wearing all my stuff at once. It was a wicked dream though it was a bit strange, it had a turnip with tourettes lurking around my window sill.

_**H: **_A whole army of Vince Noir clones? I couldn't bare the thought, I can only cope with one of you and even then I struggle.

Vince was going to take offence to that until he saw Howards teasing grin. Vince giggled and lighty punched Howards arm playfully.

_**V: **_Would you stay with me, where ever I choose to go?

_**H: **_We've traveled around, been on astounding adventures that most can only dream about. We've come across some astounding and terrifying things on the way, and I know without you by my side I'd be lost.

_**V: **_But..what about your career?

_**H: **_What about it? I'm at my peak, in time it would have settled down and I would be forgotten.

_**V: **_Don't say that Howard.

_**H: **_Well you know it's true.

Yes that had been the case through out most of Howards life, no matter who he met or what he'd achieve he'd be forgotten in the end. But he'd never achieved to this level before, even if a certain merman was pulling the strings at most occasions.

Reaching his hand out, Vince moved some hair from Howards eyes, twirling the ends in his fingers, not really sure why he was doing so. Howards hand moved upwards and gently clasped Vinces hand in his, slowly entwining their fingers together. Neither of them had noticed how close they were until now, they both had gradually been moving towards each other without realising it. Howard felt himself going red in the face. "Vince truly does look stunning tonight." Howard thought, which worried him. Because as a respectable 'straight' man of society he shouldn't think that way about his best friend. While having a silent squabble in his head about his sexuality, Vince was scheming up ways to trim Howards tosh, so he can see his friends smile better, a smile which sent shivers down his spine. They preceded to move closer to each other till their lips were almost touching. Being this close made Howard baffled, excited and terrified all at the same time. He couldn't really describe how he felt, but he knew this was right somehow. Knowing the maverick wasn't going to make the first move, Vince put it upon himself to close the gap between them. He moved ever so slighty forward when..

_**D: **_Sorry to disturb you sir. I was wondering if you've decided where you'd like to be dropped off, I can't drive around forever.

They were interrupted by the driver, the moment was broken. Vince looked disappointed as Howard moved back, cursing the driver under his breath. Howard ran his hands through Vinces hair, amazed the mod was allowing him to do so. Vince closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, purring merrily as his hair was being stroked like a kitten.

_**H: **_So Vince, wheres it going to be?

**Will Vince choose to go to New Orleans or stay in Dalston? Will this story ever end? Will my story telling get any worse? Will I stop questioning everything? Find out in the next unexciting chapters!**


	17. Snakes and Ladders

**I am shocked you're still reading this! Most people would have had enough by now. I salute you sir.**

**Disclaimer:**** Do I have to keep reminding you? *sigh* Alright alright, The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. It is not mine and never will be.**

**Chapter 17**

_**Naboo: **_Right it's your turn. Try not getting six this time round.

_**Bollo: **_Luck not on my side tonight, I get 'six' three times in row. That a bad omen, must be dodgy connection with spiritual flow.

_**N: **_What gives you that idea?

_**B: **_Read Rubi's book, very wise man.

_**N: **_Half the stuff he comes out with is a load bull. You're just not throwing the dice right. You've got to shake it like this.

He grabbed the dice from the table and started shaking it in a misleading manner.

_**B: **_Looks like wanking gesture. Don't think shaking it's gonna do any good.

_**N: **_Have a little faith in me Bollo.

Naboo threw the dice which stopped bouncing around after five minutes of bumping into every item on the table. They both stared at the dice, then looked up at each other.

_**B: **_Six.

_**N: **_Well that's more than three of them, it's not bad luck anymore.

_**B: **_It's still a six.

_**N: **_Whats your fascination with that number?

_**B: **_If we keep getting that, we won't get very far on this game.

_**N: **_I've only got six once.

Half an hour later. Bollo's prediction had come true and after receiving nothing but six's they weren't getting any further on their snakes and ladders board game, which 'was' one of the many unsold items in the shop that's been there since the Nabootique first opened. Naboo and Bollo were just playing it out of sheer boredom, after changing dices out of suspicion that they might be trick dice and still ending up getting the same number, the blue shaman had to admit it was just down to bad luck. The sound of ringing from the little bell on the shop door got both their attention. Holding hands, rain soaked hair sticking to their faces, stood Vince and Howard, beaming at the look of disbelief on Naboo and Bollo's faces. Both men stepped into the shop and walked up to the counter. Vince poked Naboo's face, getting no response from the paralysed shaman. Howard looked at the gorilla and gave him a smile.

_**Howard:**_ Miss us?

_**B: **_Shop closed, get out.

_**H: **_Haha! Very funny, but seriously you did miss us right?

_**B: **_Saw Vince this morning, then you hours later. Your face on every square paper on walls and newspaper for months, don't miss you at all. Had enough of your face. What you doing back anyway? Thought you two start new life over seas?

_**H: **_Well you know, Britains full of history and culture. The english shores, the sunday roast, the Queen, our pride in all things British. You can take a man away from his country, but you can never take the country away from the man. So theres no point in moving the man in the first place.

_**B: **_What are you on about?

_**H: **_I'm saying that sure, there are better opportunities over seas. But my heart is here.

_**N: **_I thought we got rid of you for good!

_**Vince: **_Oh so you do speak.

_**N: **_I'm shocked to see you.. here.. at this shop!

_**V: **_So it wasn't us holding hands that did it then?

_**N: **_No. It was clear to me from the start that you two were inseparable. You occasionally went down different paths, being total contrasts of each other, that's to be expected.

_**B: **_But you two like powerful magnets, always sticking together in the end.

_**N: **_It's only being apart for so long that you both finally see how important you are to each other.

_**B: **_Like me and Coco?

_**N: **_A fictional character on a cereal box that you take an unhealthy liking to doesn't really count.

_**V: **_I hate those mascots on cereal boxs, especially that furry yellow one.

_**B: **_What real reason why you stay here?

_**H: **_I told you why. My heart is here.

Howard wrapped his arms around Vince, both giggling like teenagers on a first date. Naboo rolled his eyes and went back to playing the board game, while Bollo sat there looking displeased.

_**B: **_Does that mean I don't get Vinces room?

_**N: **_By the looks of things, those two will probably move into one room, which I would assume would be Vinces room since that's the largest. Howards would be the spare, you could have that one.

_**B: **_Would it be big enough for my pool table and treadmill?

_**N: **_It'll just about fit, but if you want your stereo in there we'd have to install a shelf.

Howard crossed his arms and shook his head in disbelief.

_**H: **_I've only just walked through the door and you're already planning to kick me out my bedroom.

_**B: **_Need the space.

_**H: **_Well why didn't you use it when I was away?

_**N: **_Vince wouldn't let us breathe near your bedroom door, let alone touch it. Everythings just the way you left it, and with a coat of dust I would assume.

Howard looked at Vince in surprise, his heart warming even more to the mod. Seeing the affectionate look on the mavericks face, Vince couldn't help but become a tad flustered.

_**V: **_Ha well you know, couldn't have anyone touching your stuff. They might come down with something.

_**H: **_Oh cheers Vince.

Howard looked hurt by that comment, but was soon smiling again when Vince started tickling him, which ended up as a hug. Vince then started to play with Howards collar.

_**V: **_I think you'll like it in my room, care to move in tonight?

_**H: **_You sure you won't mind?

_**V: **_As long as your stuff doesn't mingle with mine. I don't want to find a Jazz record mixed in with my David Bowie, or your brown suede trousers in my wardrobe.

_**H: **_Just write me a list of rules then.

Vince giggled at that, then he leaned forward for that kiss he'd been waiting for. He giggled again as Howards moustache tickled his upper lip, Howard smiled and leaned deeper into the kiss.

**Finally some love. ^_^ The next chapter will be the last, I feel sad it's nearly over. **


	18. The Pope of Sound

**I was dancing to the blue moon on the back of my deaf horse, then I was rudely eaten by a giant pie and spat out on our porch shorty after. **_Vince, that is the worst excuse I've heard for being late so far. _**Don't blame me, I'm not writing this.**

**Disclaimer:**** Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own the Mighty Boosh, a show that fills me up with happiness. **

**This is the last chapter, enjoy.**

**Chapter 18**

Boxes lay scattered on the floor at the back, the contents now stacked on the shelves in no particular order, waiting to be sold. Business at the Nabootique has recently been going extremely well, so well in fact that new stock had to be ordered every week to keep the customers happy. Naboo's fellow shaman insisted on celebrating the success of his shop every fortnight, which always meant it was up to Bollo to stay sober so he can carry the highly intoxicated shamans to their magic carpet taxies in the mornings.

Stacking the last of the items on the window display, emptying the last box, Howard patted his hands looking around very pleased with himself. He knew very well he was the reason the shop was doing so well. He had quit his solo music career yet he still had a hug fanbase that kept getting bigger, and a large majority of them had found out where he was and decided to buy every item in the shop in order to please their icon. Which was fine for him since the more he sold the more he got paid, though that did mean extra work for him since Naboo got him to order the stock.

Raven hair dashed through crowds of brown shorts and hawaiian shirt wearing people, that horrid fashion had finally struck, just as Lynette Smith predicted. For once not actually wearing or caring about the current trend, the individual who stuck out like a sore thumb in glittery stilettos was on a mission to pass on some good news to his partner. Bursting through the door in a neon blur, Vince bumped into his Jazz maverick. Both men fell on top of the boxes on the floor.

_**Howard:**_ Whoo there little man! Whats with the sudden entrance?

_**Vince: **_Look at this!

Bouncing on the spot with glee, Vince handed Howard the CD he was holding. Soon both men shared the same expression of exhilaration.

_**V: **_Our singles out, I got this at WHSmith. They're sold bleeding everywhere, we're at Number 1!

_**H: **_I..I'm finding this hard to take in. It's all happened so fast. I can't believe our bands already got a CD out.

_**V: **_Well we are awesome. Though it's a bit annoying that we didn't get a free copy of our own CD, I mean what musician has to be forced to buy their own music? It's ridiculous.

_**H: **_Well that's life I'm afraid, nothings free anymore.

_**V: **_What about free love?

_**H: **_I'm talking about objects Vince. Though we should refuse to make a second album unless they give us a freebie, but that ain't going to happen.

_**V: **_Just so happens they do want another album.

_**H:**_ Our first album has barely sat on the shelves for two minutes.

_**V: **_Yeah I know but have you seen the charts? Ours is the most downloaded music this year. You wouldn't know anything about downloads or computers, in fact it kind of goes over my head too. Oh they also want us to do more tours.

_**H: **_And how exactly do you know all this?

_**V: **_The higher ups in the music industry told me.

_**H: **_The higher ups?

_**V: **_Yeah, the Bishops of rock, the Priest of beat and the Pope of sound.

_**H: **_Why didn't they tell me? I'm part of this band as well.

_**V: **_I gave them my mobile number because Naboo wouldn't want them ringing up the shop. They would have rang you but you don't own a mobile phone. Anyway this is great, I never thought I could get any more popular. I've even got the Frozen Flares begging for me to come back. I told them where to stick it.

_**H: **_Good enough. Have you had Fossil harassing you with calls? He's bound to want us back at the Violet Onion.

_**V: **_Well after we changed our phone number, he somehow managed to get hold of my mobile number and wouldn't stop texting me. That blokes obsessive. I sent Bollo over to Fossils and I haven't had another text from him since.

_**H: **_What did you tell Bollo to do with him?

_**V: **_Just stop him annoying me really. Though I don't know how he's done it, I leave him to his own devises.

Howard tried not to think too much on what Bollo had done to Fossil, images of the head of Chico mounted on the cabin wall kept popping up from his memory. His fun loveing partner didn't seem to concerned about Fossils fate, taken the album back from Howards hands and happily examining the cover he designed. Then the phone started ringing, Howard heaved himself off the boxes and went over to answer it. Vince watched silently interested to hear who'd rang them.

_**H: **_Hello I'm Howard Moon, manager of the Nabootique. You better not be another journalist, how may I help you?

_**Leslie: **_HAHAHA! Theres me ringing up to congratulate you on your first album and you're still working in a shop? God sake Moon you both are stars, you should have people working for you.

Howard turned to talk to to Vince.

_**H: **_It's Leslie.

_**V: **_Put it on loudspeaker so we can both hear him.

Howard obeyed while Vince got off the floor and rushed over to sit near the phone.

_**V: **_Hey Leslie.

_**L: **_Vince! Oh how wonderful it is to hear your voice. What are you two still doing in that shop? And also, why didn't I get a free copy of your album? I'm feeling unloved here darling.

_**V: **_Oh that, well we also didn't get a free one that's why. Cheap arses.

_**L: **_Shameful, what is this world coming to. Now Howard, has Vince been behaving himself?

_**H: **_No, he's been doing my head in.

_**V: **_Oi!

_**H: **_Only joking. Why do you ask?

_**L: **_Well. I might have a present for both of you.

Howard looked a bit worried, while Vinces eyes went wide with excitement.

_**H: **_Oh yeah, and what might that be?

_**V: **_I love presents! Oh come on tell us what it is. Pleeaasssee.

_**L: **_Okay okay. I've only got you two first class tickets to the Big Apple!

_**H: **_N..New York? We're going to New York?

_**V: **_We're going on Holiday! I've got to buy some new clothes before we go.

_**L: **_You can buy some when you're over there, I'll pay.

_**V: **_Great idea, Aw thanks Leslie.

_**H: **_You really shouldn't have spent that kind of money on us.

_**V: **_Howard shuuu.

_**L: **_How can I resist treating my two most favorite people in the world.

Howard looked over at Vince, who was texting his friends telling them the great news. He rolled his eyes at his friend who saw him do so and poked his tongue at him, a smirk soon showed up on both their faces.

_**L: **_Anyways I must hung up, I'll be landing at New Orleans airport in about ten minutes. The captains paying the phone bill so I'm forced to cut my calls short.

_**H: **_Will we ever see you again?

_**L: **_Unless you come over to visit me, then probably not. Though I guarantee this won't be the last you hear of me. I'm making it my priority to follow what you get up to in the future.

_**V: **_We're gonna miss you.

_**L: **_Oh don't you start, I'd be welling up if it wasn't for the Botox. The captains giving me the evil eye, so good bye my darlings.

_**H: **_Good bye Leslie, hear from you soon.

_**V:**_ Bye ya cheeky bitch.

Leslie hung up and put the gold plated phone back onto the purple silk pillow, that was then carried away by a waiting hostess. From where he was sitting he could see the captain leaving the driving to the co pilot, she turned around in her seat so she could see her passenger.

_**Captain Halian: **_We'll be there shortly alright. You're not going to cause havoc I hope.

_**L: **_Heheh. Well that all depends what you write on the script.

_**CH: **_You want me to write a sequel? Haven't I tormented you and the readers enough?

_**L: **_I see your point, I don't fancy having another knife imbedded into my chest. And not to mention you're terrible at writing stories.

_**CH: **_Hey if it wasn't for me you wouldn't exist, don't forget that.

_**L: **_Yes 'Mother'. Anyways only you and I care about that, the readers most likely are bored of me and this story by now.

With a sigh, Captain Halian went back to piloting the plane. Leslie picked up his glass of blue lemonade and took a slurp, watching his two terrier puppies 'Moon' and 'Noir' happily chasing each other down the length of the plane, often chasing the screaming air hostess.

Smiling with contentment, Leslie leaned back into the recliner, lifting his feet as he did so. His specially made silver laced white shoes catching the sunlight as the plane made its way to a new beginning.

The End.

_**And that it folks, roll up the credits. **_**haha. I hope you enjoyed, this was based on my dreams. I'm not planning on writing a ****sequel****, so pay no attention to the little banter I had with Leslie. Yes I chucked myself in this again, only this time I'm the Captain. I don't know If I'll write any more stories, but if I do then I'l try not to stick myself in it. XD Also Leslie GougouFlower is mine, I created him for this story and he shall not appear in anymore, for he now lives in New Orleans. **

**Thanks for reading and remember, reviews makes the world go round. *hint*hint***


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